Please, Give Me Another Chance
by Atsureki
Summary: Ken finds out that Aya has feelings for him but handles it badly. He's given another chance and another and another, can he ever get it right?
1. Killed By Cruel Words

Please Give Me Another Chance

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers: I own diddly-dick that's all I'm gonna say 'bout it

Paring: Aya/Ken, one-sided

Warnings: OCC, angst, death (I'm not putting Yaoi here because well it's so very mild and one-sided)

Notes: Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts.

This fic is different from my others and part of it is because I wanted to write something where Aya isn't the strong one and Ken the "whipped" one. This chapter might make you cry… /sighs/

Chapter 1. Killed By Cruel Words

It just wasn't right. He couldn't help it, but that was how he felt. It wasn't right and it was down right unfair. Cursing quietly to himself he glanced over towards his three teammates. They were talking about something, most likely the mission they were on. No that wasn't completely correct, two of his three teammates were talking the third one was just standing there looking…

What was the look on Aya's face? Hurt? Sadness? Disappointment? Anger? Blandness? Ken couldn't really tell but whatever it was it was there because of him. He lowered his eyes to the dirty floor and sighed deeply. Why had he been such a complete asshole? So he was hotheaded but that was no excuse for what he had done. Sighing again he studied his shoes, hoping that they somehow could take away what he had said, hell screamed, to Aya. They couldn't, of course.

"SIBERIAN!" The brunette almost jumped out of his skin at the loud yell of his code name. "Will you fucking listen? What planet are you on?"

"Gomen, Balinese. What did you say?" Yoji glared at him and snorted.

"Bombay just said that you and Abyssinian are gonna take out the targets on the fifth floor. Ken groaned. Of course they had to team him up with Aya.

"Sure," he muttered sourly and chanced a glance at the redhead who seemed to be lost to the world.

"Well? Don't just stand there, get a move on or we'll be here all fucking night!" Ken glared at the lanky blonde and huffed. What the hell was up Yoji's ass? He usually didn't act like that but then again all the four members were well aware of what had happened between Ken and the redhead. Aya started walking away looking nothing like the cold, strong leader he normally was. The brunette had no choice but to follow and he did it reluctantly. He hadn't been alone with his older teammate since that horrible evening two weeks ago.

They took the stairs up without uttering a word. Actually Aya hadn't spoken a word to him for 14 days, he hadn't even looked at him. What friendship they had once had was destroyed and Ken knew all too well that it would never be rebuilt either. His spiteful words had destroyed everything and what really pained him was that he had meant several of them, he just hadn't meant for them to sound so hateful and as if he was so very disgusted by the redhead. Shaking his head sadly Ken trailed behind Aya down a dark corridor.

"Siberian, Abyssinian, watch your backs I just saw several guards heading upstairs," Omi's voice whispered in their ears. The redhead didn't seem concerned about the information at all. Ken frowned and chewed on his lip.

"Copy that Bombay." The link became quiet again. How could he have broken Aya so completely with his words? The redhead had always seemed to strong, like nothing could ever wound him emotionally but somehow Ken had succeeded and he really wished he hadn't. He had never meant to hurt Aya so badly but he didn't know how to ask for forgiveness and besides, the redhead would never forgive him. A sound made both assassins freeze.

"Must be the guards," Ken whispered and got no recognition that he had even spoken. The taller man just took a few steps into the shadows. The brunette gritted his teeth and fought to keep his temper in check. This was stupid! They were both grown men and they had a job to do, although Aya didn't seem to have noticed nor did he seem to care. His katana was drawn but he held it in a manner that Ken had never seen before. A fly on the blade would cause the redhead to drop his weapon and if he were attacked he would never be able to defend himself. "So this is how it's going to be?" Ken asked with a sigh and bore his eyes into the other man's back. "Are you never going to talk to me again?" A very pale face turned to him. Aya's amethyst eyes that normally were covered by a wall of coldness looked empty and lost.

"What do you care?" Even his voice seemed to have change.

"Of course I care!" Ken spat out a lot harsher than he had intended.

"You made it perfectly clear that you don't care Siberian. My shear presence disgusts you, wasn't that what you said?" The brunette bit his lip and swallowed hard. Yes, that was exactly what he had said, among other things that hadn't been any more pleasant. "I really think we should drop this subject right now. There are guards heading this way." Ken just nodded feeling exactly like the bastard he was. Almost on cue a whole herd of armed men came stalking towards them. _Fuck!_ the brunette cursed to himself. Those men were carrying automatic weapons.

"What the hell are we supposed to do?" he hissed to Aya.

"Let them pass," was the empty reply he got. It only took a few minutes before the guards had disappeared around the next corner. Aya stepped out from their hiding place and started walking again, but something made Ken take another look behind them. His whole body froze when he saw two men standing where there a moment ago had been nobody. They both had their guns raised and aimed at the redhead's unprotected back.

"AYA!" A very loud clatter echoed through the corridor as Ken's scream was drowned out. In shock the brunette watched as bullet after bullet hit Aya's back making him jerk back and forth like a rag doll. Blood cascaded from the redhead's chest and stomach as they went straight through his body. Then just as suddenly as it had begun it all ended, the two guards turned around and left. Neither one of them had seen the brunette since he was still hidden by the shadows. Ken remained frozen for a few moments before he finally managed to convince himself to run up to his fallen teammate. "My god, Aya!" he sobbed and sunk down on his knees. He didn't have to check for a pulse it was already painfully evident that Aya was dead. His back ripped to shreds by the rapid gunfire, his hair drenched in blood just as the floor around him.

"Siberian, Abyssinian? What's going on I heard guns." Ken couldn't answer he just kept on starring at the macabre scene in front of him. Aya's pale face covered with blood, his violet eyes coldly staring at the wall. "Balinese? What's going on?"

"I'm not sure Bombay. The shots came from the fifth floor, I'm going there now."

"Copy that Balinese." It became quiet again. Gently Ken turned his dead teammate over onto his back.

"I'm so sorry Aya, this is my fault. I'm so very sorry. I don't want you to die. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. Please?" He begged, he pleaded but the redhead was dead just the same.

"Oh Jesus Christ! AYA!" Yoji almost fell down beside Ken. "Aya, oh dear gods." The brunette looked up as tears flowed down his cheeks.

"It's my fault. I said I wanted him to die. I just… just… I said that I hated him…" Yoji just stared at him with his green eyes darkened by sadness, panic and anger.

"Shut up Ken! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"Balinese?"

"Omi," the lanky blonde croaked out and gently brushed away a bloody crimson lock of hair from Aya's pale face. "There's… been… a… an accident… Aya…. Omi… Aya is… gone."

"What do you mean gone? Balinese, please explain?" Omi gasped and let out a low cry. "Yoji? Where's Aya?" Ken pulled himself together the best he could.

"He's dead Omi… I killed him…" Yes he had killed Aya as surely as if he had pulled the trigger himself. Due to his words the redhead hadn't paid attention to the mission. That was something Ken would have to live with for the rest of his life. "Please forgive me Aya," the brunette cried. "I… I… didn't mean it…" Yoji glanced up through his tears and shook his head.

"How could you do this to him Ken? All he wanted was to love you… How the hell could you say those things to him!" the lanky blonde shouted. Weiß had lost their leader and the one responsible for it was Hidaka Ken. They all knew it and they all blamed him for it, including himself. But regret has never made anything undone, at least not so far…

TBC

I know I already have several fics up and running but I had this dream last night so I just had to write it down. Please be aware of the fact that this fic isn't what it seems like at the moment. I'm sure most of you are confused about the whole matter and think that all characters are acting way too OOC but please stay with me. Besides, I do believe that even if Yoji and Aya aren't the best of friends Yoji would be very upset and stuff if Aya was killed. The last things Yoji says to Ken here are probably not what he would normally say but someone needed to do it and well Omi is even less the type than Yoji, don't you agree? If you want me to continue you know what to do, ne/Atsureki


	2. Déjà Vu

Please Give Me Another Chance

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers: I own diddly-dick that's all I'm gonna say 'bout it

Paring: Aya/Ken, one-sided

Warnings: OCC, angst, Yaoi

Notes: Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts or the strange little voice Ken hears in his head.

Chapter 2. Déjà Vu

Ken solemnly stared at the walls. Aya was dead, gone and he was the one responsible for it. It had been almost 2 hours since he had watched two unknown men gun down his older teammate. A quiet sob escaped him and he wrapped his arms tightly around himself. There was nowhere to hide, no excuses for what he had done and there was no one to comfort him.

Yoji couldn't even stand to look at him and Omi… Omi was, or rather had been, Ken's best friend but just as he had ruined his friendship with Aya he had ruined it with the small blonde. His youngest friend refused to talk to him and the sad accusing look in his eyes was awful because it was there for a reason. Omi had never really said anything about the yelling that had occurred that evening but the brunette knew all too well that it had upset his friend. At first he had been angry that no one understood him but now he knew why. All those words he had shouted with no right at all.

Aya had put himself on the line, he had swallowed his pride and coldness in order to confess his feelings for Ken and… The brunette rested his head on his knees and whimpered. He would give anything to have that night undone. It wasn't just because it had ended up killing the redhead but it had also hurt him so deeply and Ken didn't want that. Yes, Aya had freaked him out, completely taken him by surprise but it still wasn't reason enough for his reaction.

"Just give me another chance," Ken croaked out and rocked back and forth.

"Please just give me another chance. Please… Someone, anyone please help me…" Tears started running down his cheeks again.

"Please just give me another chance… I never meant for this to happen…" _Another chance? Do you even understand why this happened? _a voice asked inside his head. He didn't answer. _Do you understand that you crushed Aya with your words? You tore his heart apart Ken. And because of that he wasn't paying attention during the mission, he didn't even care that he died Ken! Do you understand that?_ That voice was right and he knew it.

Crying quietly to himself the brunette remembered how he had reacted to Aya's confession that evening two weeks ago. The cruel words that had rained from his mouth and the deep pain in those amethyst eyes. When he had had nothing more to yell at Aya the redhead had just turned around and left, completely defeated and broken and somewhere deep down inside Ken had treasured that, he had been glad that Aya had been hurting. He had just been so angry, shocked, confused and scared of what it meant.

Aya had said that he was falling in love with him and he wanted to know if he stood a chance. But Ken wasn't the least bit interested; he held no feelings towards the redhead that went beyond friendship. The brunette shook his head. He was such a fool. Instead of screaming and shouting he should just have explained how he felt, Aya would have understood, wouldn't he? And it would have kept him alive.

Exhausted and feeling so guilty Ken crawled underneath the covers and buried his face in his pillow. _I'll give you another chance Ken. I'll let you have another go at that day, good luck. _The brunette frowned in confusion. What the hell was up with that voice? With his luck he was probably going insane and he deserved it! He could only keep on praying that this was all a nightmare and that everything was back to normal when he woke up again.

/&/

"Ken-kun!" The brunette grumbled in his sleep and pulled the covers over his head. He didn't feel like waking up. "Ken-kun! You're going to be late for your shift." Ken opened his eyes and sighed. The memories from the previous night attacked him. Aya was dead. "KEN-KUN!"

"I'm coming Omi," he sighed deeply. Slowly he got up and glanced at the pile of clothes that were shoved in a dark corner of his room. His sweater, jacket and pants soaked by Aya's blood. Shaking he pulled on some clothes and unwillingly went downstairs. The kitchen was empty and he was thankful for it. He didn't want to face Yoji or Omi just yet. Suddenly Ken frowned. There was something wrong with that morning; it felt like he had gone through it before. No point in hoping for that though. Footsteps approached him but the brunette didn't look up.

"You're late." Ken's head snapped up so fast the room spun. Confused he stared at the man standing before him. This couldn't be happening.

"A… A… Aya?" he asked and blinked. How could the redhead be standing there? As far as the brunette could tell Aya looked completely normal. His face was bland and his eyes callous. Without really thinking Ken got up and hugged the stunned redhead. "You're okay," he murmured and clung to his friend. Strong arms pushed him away and amethyst eyes stared at him with confusion.

"Of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?" Aya asked blandly before he turned around and left. Ken's thoughts raced. The redhead was alive, he showed no signs of being beaten and broken, but how? What the hell was going on? The previous night couldn't have been a dream because Ken still had the bloody clothes he had been wearing so what the hell was going on? Utterly confused he trotted into the shop to help Aya open it.

/&/

It took Ken half the day to figure out what had happened. Everything that occurred that day had occurred before. Somehow time had been turned back just like that strange voice in his head had promised. This was the day that Aya had told him about his feelings, Ken was sure of it. He had been given another chance and he wouldn't mess it up this time! There was nothing he wouldn't do just to save the redhead from what had happened the last time.

From time to time he caught Aya looking at him with a strange shadow in his amethyst eyes. He knew that look though; it had been there when the redhead had told him how he felt. _Don't Aya, please just don't,_ he pleaded in silence. Omi returned from school and Yoji managed to drag himself out off bed to take over in the shop. Ken had about 4 hours before Aya would confront him and he was scared. What the hell was he supposed to say? Well he wouldn't scream and yell that was for sure but how was he supposed to explain that he felt nothing for the redhead without hurting him?

Ken sighed darkly and took a seat in the kitchen. What if he just lied? He hated lying but this was for the greater good, was it not? If he went along with Aya and said that he had been having those kinds of feelings too then the redhead would be safe. It was stupid and he knew it but at the moment it didn't seem to matter as long as he could keep his friend alive and well. How bad could it be? Aya was a kind person deep inside, he would never hurt him. With his mind made up the brunette went to his room to prepare himself for what he already knew would happen.

/&/

"Ken?" He turned to look at Aya and smiled weakly. This was it, his chance to right the wrongs he had done before.

"Hai, Aya?" he asked softly.

"Could I talk to you for a moment?" Ken nodded and invited the redhead into his room. What he was about to do wasn't right but then it couldn't be more wrong than what he had done the last time, could it?

"Sure." Aya hesitated. Ken already knew exactly what he was about to say; he had heard it before after all.

"Ken I…" The redhead's voice trailed off. _Just don't say it Aya, please. Don't make me do this._ "I don't know how to say this Ken but I… I…" Ken braced himself for the next part. "I think I'm falling in love with you." The brunette took a deep breath to say something, anything, but he just couldn't. "I'm sorry Ken but I have to know, do I stand a chance with you?" This was so very unlike Aya. His voice was filled with hesitation and he looked so scared. Ken still couldn't answer and he could see the defeat in the redhead's eyes, the hurt too. _Damn it_ _Hidaka! You're doing it again! Do you want him to die all over again? Because he will if you don't do or say something!_ "I think I get the answer," Aya mumbled and turned around. "I really am sorry Ken, I shouldn't have said anything."

When he started to leave Ken finally snapped out of his numbness. He grabbed Aya's arm and turned him around to face him. _Say something!_ he ordered himself but nothing came out. Confused and scared he suddenly pulled the pale face down to his and kissed him. It felt wrong and he didn't like it but to hell with that if it meant that the redhead would be safe and alive.

The kiss was answered after a moment's hesitation and Ken had to use all his will power not to push the other man away. He could deal with the problems later, some other time. Aya wouldn't rush him so he had time to work out the millions of flaws his plan had. They broke apart and Ken forced himself not to wipe his mouth. When he looked up he saw the joy and love in the redhead's eyes and for a moment that made it all worth wild.

TBC

I know this fic is really weird and stuff /sighs/ But I just can't get it out of my head /mutters sourly/ Anyways, Ken is doing something rather drastic but in my head he's at the end of his rope here. He was the one responsible for Aya's death and he'll do anything to change that. In the next chapter we'll see how he's second try goes. I wonder if anyone is seeing where I'm going with this. /chuckles/ Oh and by the way, another reason that this fic is turning out the way it is is that I got a comment on one of my other fics. A reader said that it's strange how the characters always fall in love with each other and so on. Well here you go dear reader… Aya loves Ken and Ken does not love him back… yet. Ja/Atsureki


	3. The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword

Please Give Me Another Chance

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers: I own diddly-dick that's all I'm gonna say 'bout it

Paring: Aya/Ken, one-sided

Warnings: OCC, angst, Yaoi (sort of)

Notes: Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts or the strange little voice Ken hears in his head.

Chapter 3. The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword

Ken dragged his feet as he walked back to the house. It had been almost two weeks since he had… put his stupid plan into action. Even if it wasn't all bad the bad things surely outweighed the good ones. Spending time with Aya was actually very nice, most of the time. The silent redhead had opened up and showed Ken who he really was behind his callous mask. The problem was that they weren't 'just' friends so Aya expected more. Never in his life would the brunette have guessed that his older teammate was a cuddler.

He really liked Aya, but not romantically and he certainly did want to kiss him or be nuzzled by him. But thanks to his wonderful idea he had to put up with it and he had to look happy about it, which was almost impossible. The only luck he had had so far was the fact that Aya didn't seem to have any intentions of letting Omi and Yoji find out about their relationship. That meant that as long as Ken could keep them from being alone he could keep the redhead from touching him. It was just that he felt bad about doing that because it wasn't fair to Aya.

The pressure the brunette was under was getting to him and it made him jumpy, unhappy and tense. To get some of it out of his system he had started to keep a diary where he poured out his feelings, mostly the extreme guilt he felt for what he was doing. Ken kicked a rock on the sidewalk and pouted. Why had he done such a stupid thing again? Instantly he felt bad for what he was thinking. He was keeping Aya alive and that was worth anything. But what on earth would he do if the redhead wanted sex?

Ken groaned, that was the last thing he needed to think about. There was no way he going to… to… do THAT with Aya. They were both men for heaven's sake. The brunette had beliefs, catholic ones at that so he knew perfectly well that homosexuality was wrong, that it was a sin. What a mess he had put himself in.

/&/

The Koneko was almost empty since all the girls were at school. Ken yawned and started on a new page in his diary. At the moment he was given a brief break from the mess he had made his life. Aya was in the kitchen making lunch while he watched the shop. The brunette was just about to close his diary when the bell above the door rang. He left his chair to help the woman who entered.

It took him a while and he never noticed when Aya returned or what he did while Ken wasn't looking. When the woman left Ken put up the 'Closed For Lunch'-sign, put away the book and left the shop. He sat down in the kitchen and gave the redhead a glance. Aya had already started eating and he had his nose buried in a book. _That's strange,_ Ken thought. The other two members weren't there which usually meant that the redhead wanted to talk. But Aya obviously wasn't interesting in that at the moment. After 15 minutes Ken had to ask.

"Are you okay Aya?"

"Aa," the redhead answered blandly without even looking up from his book. Ken frowned deeply. Aya hadn't used that tone towards him for two weeks. He shrugged it off and finished eating. They had a mission that night and the brunette was NOT looking forward to it. It was on that damn mission he had gotten Aya killed. But this time things would go differently. Ken smiled to himself. This time the redhead would stay alive and things would be just fine.

/&/

He looked at his three teammates and frowned. What he saw before him was looking a little too much like the last time he had done this mission. Omi and Yoji were talking while Aya just stood there staring at the wall. The redhead's face was callous though, which it hadn't been the last time so Ken decided not to worry about it too much.

"Siberian, you and Abyssinian are going to take out the targets on the fifth floor," Omi said quietly and nodded towards the stairs.

"Hai Bombay."

"Balinese and I will search the lower floors for guards."

"Let's get a move on or we'll be here all night," Yoji muttered and restlessly pulled at his sleeves. Ken nodded and started walking towards the stairs with the silent redhead in tow. He really tried not to think about the way Aya acted but it was worrying him. His older friend had never talked much but he hadn't said a single word since they left the house. They soon reached the corridor where Aya had gotten killed the last time and it made Ken's skin crawl to be back there.

"Are you okay?" the brunette asked and tilted his head.

"Aa."

"Come on Aya something is bothering you." The only reply he got was a bland look from cold eyes. "Um be careful okay, I don't want anything to happen to you," Ken mumbled and lowered his eyes.

"I thought it would make things easier for you if I… say got killed here tonight." Aya's cold words made the brunette snap his head up.

"What? What the hell is that suppose to mean?" Ken demanded to know and glared. The look in the redhead's face turned to anger.

"Next time you decide to keep a diary, don't leave it lying around for anyone to read," Aya said flatly. Ken winced. He was such a fucking idiot! The redhead knew what he was doing.

"Aya I… I."

"Just shut up Siberian. I really don't want to talk to you!" Oh God he had messed it up again!

"It's not like that," he objected lamely.

"Isn't it? I disgust you; you have to fight the urge to run away every time I touch you… What made you think I wanted your fucking charity anyway? Did you think I would just break down if you didn't want me?" Aya spat out with anger and hurt. "Don't flatter yourself! I'm perfectly capable of functioning without you!"

"Siberian, Abyssinian, watch your backs I just saw several guards heading upstairs." Omi's voice interrupted the awful moment.

"Copy that Bombay." Ken took a step into the shadows and gestured to Aya to follow him but the redhead didn't move.

"Stay the hell away from me Siberian. If you get too close I don't know what I'll do!" With those hard words Aya stalked away down the corridor. Ken wanted to yell to him to stay but he couldn't speak. It only took a moment before the herd of guards almost ran into the redhead. Shocked Ken was again faced with the horrific sight of Aya being gunned down in the dark corridor.

"NO!" he cried out well aware that no one could hear him over the loud clatter of shots that hit the tall body he was staring at. The guards moved past him and the brunette sank down on the floor. He had failed again. Ken hid his face in his hands and started crying. Aya was dead… again and it had been his fault this time too.

"Siberian, Abyssinian? What's going on? I heard guns." The brunette didn't answer he just closed his eyes and damned himself. "Balinese? What's going on?" It was just the same as the last time.

"I'm not sure Bombay. The shots came from the fifth floor, I'm going there now."

"Copy that Balinese." It became quiet again just like Ken knew it would.

"Aya," he croaked out between the sobs and rocked back and forth. "I'm sorry, I just wanted to keep you alive." His eyes opened and turned to the dead body lying on the dirty floor. He had hurt Aya even worse this time by lying to him. "Please, why is this happening again? I just wanted to keep him safe." Yoji showed up at the end of the corridor and ran up to their fallen leader.

"Oh Jesus Christ! Aya!" The lanky blonde turned the redhead onto his back and lowered his face at the sight. "Aya, oh dear Gods." He looked up and spotted Ken. "Ken what the hell happened?" Yoji asked and hugged the redhead's body.

"I killed him again," Ken cried. "I just wanted him to be safe and I thought that if I just pretended to love him he wouldn't… they wouldn't… I… just."

"What the hell are you babbling about? Why didn't you call for help?" The brunette failed to answer.

"Balinese?" Omi asked in their ears and Ken cowered. _Not this again, please, anything but this,_ he begged but it was pointless.

"Omi there's… been a… an accident. Aya is… eh… Omi, Aya is… gone."

"Gone? What do you mean gone? Yoji? Yoji! Where's is Aya?" Omi's voice was cracked.

"I killed him Omi, I killed Aya," Ken sobbed and banged his head against the wall. "I killed him again. Why? Why do I have to kill him?"

/&/

For the second time Ken found himself sitting on his bed with the blame of Aya's death hanging over him. He wanted another chance; he refused to accept that Aya would die because of him. _How many chances do you think I can give you?_ Ken lifted his head up and frowned. It was that strange voice again.

"Who are you?" The voice chuckled. _Does it matter who I am?_ The brunette bit his lip. _You can call me Fate. Now do you want another chance or not?_

"Yes please. I don't want him to die." _Guilt,_ the voice mused, _what a peculiar emotion. Listen, you amuse me and I am seldom amused by anything these days. So, I am going to give you another chance, again. Now would you please stop fucking up? Why do you punish this man so hard? His only crime is that the loves you why do you not just accept it. I suggest you try telling him the truth instead, and I suggest you do it without the yelling this time._ Ken lowered his head in shame.

"Can I save him?" he asked with hesitation. _No, but you can change his fate if you get it right._

"But how do I do that? What is the right way?" _Whoa Ken. Do you seriously think that I can just give you the answer to that? I am sorry but I cannot. This you will have to figure out on your own. But I will give you another chance. Do use it with care, I can only give you so many…_ The voice disappeared and Ken crawled under the covers. He prayed that the voice was telling the truth, that he would get another chance with Aya. Exhausted he fell asleep.

TBC

Stupid Ken/mutters/ And poor Aya finding out like that. But Ken will get another chance but what is he going to do with it this time? Um this fic is sort of inspired by the movie Groundhog Day, although there's really nothing funny about what happens here. Ken will have keep on trying ne? Ja/Atsureki


	4. Third Time's The Charm, Right?

Please Give Me Another Chance

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers: I own diddly-dick that's all I'm gonna say 'bout it

Paring: Aya/Ken, one-sided

Warnings: OCC, angst.

Notes: Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts or the strange little voice Ken hears in his head.

Chapter 4. Third Time's The Charm, Right?

"Ken-kun!" Ken slowly opened his eyes and yawned. "Ken-kun! You're going to be late for your shift." He was again facing that day when Aya had confessed his feelings for him. The brunette sighed deeply and sat up. He was glad he was being given another chance but it was so hard, so easy to get it all wrong again. "KEN-KUN!" Omi was doing the exact same thing for the third time.

"I'm coming Omi," Ken answered quietly and rose to his feet. He so did not want to go through this again but he knew he had to. Solemnly he took a shower, got dressed and trotted down to the kitchen. It would have been better if he had just been sent back to that night instead, that way he wouldn't have a whole day to worry about what he was going to say to Aya. Just like the other two times he had lived through it the redhead came into the kitchen.

"You're late," Aya stated and looked at him.

"I'll be right there," Ken sighed and finished his coffee.

/&/

He sat on his bed and nervously waited for Aya to show up. The day had been so long and his whole body was trembling. _Please just let me get it right this time,_ Ken begged and twisted his hands. He just needed to explain the situation calmly.

"Ken?" The deep smooth voice pulled him away from his thoughts.

"Hai, Aya?" he asked softly.

"Could I talk to you for a moment?"

"Of course," he nodded and invited the redhead into his room. Just like the other two times Aya seemed to hesitate.

"Ken I…" he started just like before. Ken patiently waited for him to continue. "I don't know how to say this Ken but I… I…" The brunette swallowed but said nothing. He had to let Aya say what he wanted first. "I think I'm falling in love with you." Ken couldn't help but wince at the words he heard even though they had been said to him twice before. "I'm sorry Ken but I have to know, do I stand a chance with you?" The brunette rose to his feet and tried to collect himself. This wasn't going to be easy but he had to do it, had to get it out right.

"Aya, you're my friend and I love you dearly but… not like that. I'm sorry. I love you as a friend and a brother but I can't…" _Nice going Hidaka you baka!_ Ken muttered to himself. Carefully he looked up and met Aya's amethyst eyes. There was hurt there but not like the first time.

"You have nothing to be sorry about Ken," the redhead said softly. "I… I just had to ask but I know I probably shouldn't have. Are things going to get weird between us now?" There was worry in that deep smooth voice now. It looked like he had gotten it right this time at least so he smiled warmly at his friend.

"Of course not Aya. You're my friend, nothing is going to change that." To prove his point he walked up to the redhead and hugged him. Aya hesitated for a moment before he returned it.

"You sure you're okay with this?" Ken took a step back and nodded.

"I'm sure. You okay?"

"I'll be okay," Aya answered slowly, turned around and left. The brunette chewed on his bottom lip and stared after his friend. Was he really okay? Well the redhead had to be disappointed, right? _He'll get over it,_ Ken nodded to himself. Satisfied with the way he had handled the situation he went to bed. It had gone a lot easier than he thought it would and he wasn't so sure it was a good thing but he refused to think about it. As far as Ken was concerned he had done the right thing, he had gotten it right this time.

/&/

It only took a week for Ken to realize that he probably hadn't handled it as well as he thought he had. He couldn't put his finger on exactly what it was that had changed but it sure was something. Since he had gone through those days twice before he could tell the difference. He and Aya suddenly never shared shifts in the shop anymore and the redhead seemed to disappear a lot as soon as the Koneko was closed for the day. When he tried to talk to him Aya tended to make up excused and walk away. Ken just didn't get it. What had he done wrong? It hurt because he really did love Aya, just not in the way the redhead wanted him to.

"Ken-kun?" The brunette turned around and looked at Omi.

"Hai."

"Have you seen Aya-kun today?" Ken shook his head. The shop was closed since it was Sunday but he hadn't seen the redhead all day. "Do you know where he is?"

"No, why do you ask?" Omi seemed to be uncomfortable as he shifted his weight back and forth.

"Ken-kun is there something going on between you and Aya-kun?" Ken frowned.

"What do you mean?" he asked and really hoped the blonde didn't know what it was that had happened.

"I just… Well… You've been avoiding him a lot lately," Omi answered slowly and blushed a little. Ken stared. _Have I?_

"Omi what are you talking about? I haven't been avoiding Aya," the brunette muttered.

"Yes you have. When you two are in the shop at the same time you always stay as far away from Aya-kun as you possibly can... And when you need help you never ask him, always me or Yoji-kun even though we all know that Aya-kun is much better with arrangements." Ken frowned in confusion. Was that true? He honestly hadn't noticed doing any of those things. But if he had done that it was no wonder Aya didn't want to talk to him. He had promised the redhead that things weren't going to change between them but obviously he hadn't kept that promise.

The brunette sighed deeply. What the hell was wrong with him? Why couldn't he just handle the situation? He had to fix this before the mission or else he would have to face the consequences again and he felt sick to his stomach just thinking about it. Ever since that first time Aya had died because of him Ken suffered from nightmares and they were horrible. He couldn't stand them because they weren't just dreams, they were memories.

"I… have to go Omi," the brunette mumbled and fled.

/&/

He had tried, he really had but it just wasn't happening. Aya kept his distance and continued to disappear as soon as he didn't have to work. It was killing Ken and he knew very well that it most likely would end up killing the redhead too. He couldn't let that happen, not again. What if this was his last chance? Fate had told him that he only could get so many chances. Ken's heart was pounding like a drum, he was sweating like a racehorse and he had problems with breathing right. The scene in front of him made him want to cry. Omi and Yoji were making the final decisions about the mission and Aya was just staring at nothing. _Please let him be safe,_ the brunette begged and closed his eyes. It couldn't happen again! It just couldn't!

"SIBERIAN!" Ken whipped his head around and stared at Yoji. It brought back too many painful memories. This was the exact way that first time had started. "Will you fucking listen? What planet are you on?" the lanky blonde growled with annoyance.

"Gomen," Ken mumbled and sighed when Yoji snorted at him.

"Bombay just said that you and Abyssinian are gonna take out the targets on the fifth floor." The brunette started shaking. _No!_ He would NOT go through this one more time.

"NO!" Three pairs of eyes stared at him.

"No?" Omi asked and widened his huge eyes.

"Balinese and I will take down the targets on the fifth floor and you and Abyssinian can handle the guards," Ken said firmly. He didn't care what he had to do to keep Aya away from that cursed floor.

"What?" Yoji asked and frowned deeply. "Why Siberian?"

"I… just don't want him to…" the brunette stammered and refused to look at Aya.

"Can't you even put your personal things aside for a mission?" The harsh question forced Ken to look up and meet amethyst eyes shining with anger and hurt for a brief moment before the blandness was back in full force.

"It's not about that Ay… Abyssinian. I just have a bad feeling about this," Ken answered lamely.

"Well I'm heading upstairs and frankly I don't give a shit if you come with me or not!" The redhead stalked towards the stair with his whole body stiff from anger.

"What the hell is going on here?" Yoji demanded to know.

"If Aya comes out of this alive I'll tell you," Ken muttered and hurried after his teammate.

/&/

The corridor, hell it wasn't a corridor to Ken, it was purgatory, his worse nightmare. His body was still trembling and the sweat trickled down his spine. He couldn't let this happen again, he had to do something, anything. With his eyes filled with tears the brunette turned to Aya.

"Please just leave before… before they get here," he whispered with pleading.

"I thought you said you were okay with this?" Aya didn't need to explain what 'this' was.

"I am, really I am it's just…"

"Just what! First you ignore and avoid me for a week and then suddenly you chase after me constantly. Please do explain this to me Ken, it's just what?" The redhead's voice was hard and demanding.

"It's just hard for me okay? I just have a hard time accepting this," Ken mumbled and lowered his eyes to the floor. He wasn't prepared for Aya to grab him and slam him up against the wall at all.

"HARD? This is hard for you to accept!" the redhead spat out with his eyes burning. "You think you're the one who has a hard time accepting things? I'm the one who has to accept that I'm in love with someone who finds me disgusting! I'm the one who has to accept that I can't have you, ever! I'm the one who has accept that I'm going to have to let go of something that I never even had a chance at having! I'm the one who has to accept that there will never be an us! So don't fucking tell me that you're the one who has a hard time accepting this!"

Shocked Ken stared into Aya's violet orbs. He was crying. Silent tears trailed down his alabaster cheek as his eyes shone with hurt, loss and anger. Fate was right, he was punishing the redhead for loving him and he didn't really understand why. He didn't want to do that but he couldn't help himself for some reason. Why did Aya's feelings shake him so much? Was it just the fact that they were both men or was there something more?

"Aya I…"

"Siberian, Abyssinian, watch your backs I just saw several guards heading upstairs." The brunette winced.

"Co… copy that Bombay," he croaked out and swallowed. "Please Aya I…" The redhead moved away from him and shook his head.

"Don't… don't say anything more. Just leave me alone, don't talk to me." Aya moved away from him and the corridor became quiet. It didn't take long before the guards showed up. "Let them pass," the redhead whispered and the both hid in the shadows. The armed men walked down the corridor without noticing the two assassins and soon disappeared around the corner. As soon as they were gone Aya moved.

"No don't," Ken moaned and reached out to pull the redhead back but he was too slow. The taller man stalked down the corridor and the brunette quickly turned around to stare at the two men at the other end. He didn't even have time to call out this time. The sound of rapid gunfire was deafening but Ken refused to stand by and just watch as bullet after bullet went straight through Aya. With a low scream he pushed himself away from the wall. Pain numbed him as bullets hit him in the side and then all went black. He had failed yet again.

TBC

Poor Ken he just can't seem to get it right ne? And this time he got Aya killed and himself hurt. Will Fate help him or is this the end to it all? Guess you'll have to wait and see /hehe/ Ja/Atsureki


	5. Love Can't Be Wrong, Can It?

Please Give Me Another Chance

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers: I own diddly-dick that's all I'm gonna say 'bout it

Paring: Aya/Ken, one-sided

Warnings: OCC, angst.

Notes: Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts or the strange little voice Ken hears in his head. '_Italic_' memories of what someone said earlier.

Chapter 5. Love Can't Be Wrong, Can It?

"Ken-kun!" _Oh no not again,_ Ken groaned and reluctantly opened his eyes. He was fed up with reliving this! "Ken-kun! You're going to be late for your shift." He really loved Omi but at the moment he wanted to strangle the little blonde. _Just please don't make me go through this one more time,_ the brunette pleaded but it was in vain of course. "KEN-KUN!"

"I'm up!" he snapped and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Aya had died again and he himself had been dying when Fate had stepped in and pulled him back to that same damn day yet again. _What's the point in having me go through this anyway? I just fuck it up!_ It didn't matter what he did the redhead stilled died because of him. He remembered what Fate had asked him last night. '_Are you absolutely sure you do not feel anything towards him?_'

That question had confused him so much. He didn't love Aya that way, he couldn't but Fate was stubborn. '_I wonder… Are you fighting this because you seriously do not feel anything towards Aya or is it perhaps just because you have this fix idea that it is wrong to have feelings for him?_' Ken frowned deeply as he got dressed. What the hell was that supposed to mean? They were both men! He couldn't love Aya, a man could not love another man, it was as simple as that! Growling the brunette went to the kitchen. His thoughts were making his head hurt so he tried to push them away.

"You're late." Ken turned his head and looked at his teammate. For some reason the redhead looked different that morning. _He's beautiful._ The brunette frowned deeply and shook his head. Where the hell did that come from? Amethyst eyes observed him carefully as he kept on staring. _I've never noticed how perfect he is, not at a single flaw. Those eyes are so beautiful so is his hair and his face is stunning._ Ken scowled and tore his eyes away.

"I'm coming," he sighed and refused to look at Aya again. Now he was confused. He had never cared about how the redhead looked before, had he?

/&/

Angry and annoyed the brunette pulled his eyes from Aya again. It was impossible for him not to stare and it was driving him insane. Fuming over the way he was acting Ken glanced at the watch. Omi and Yoji would take over in two hours but he was NOT going to wait that long. He had to get out of there right away!

"I um don't feel well so eh I'm gonna um go lie down," he mumbled without looking at Aya.

"Hn," was the only comment he got. The brunette pulled off his apron and ran for cover. Solemnly he trotted upstairs and froze outside Yoji's room when he heard voices. Silently he moved closer and almost pressed his ear against the door.

"Would you stop that! You're such a tease." That was the lanky blonde; Ken would recognize that voice anywhere.

"Am not! Besides, you love when I do that, admit it!" The brunette frowned deeply. _Omi?_

"Not when you tease me," Yoji chuckled softly and then it was quiet for a while.

"YOJI!"

"Turn about is fair play chibi."

"I hate when you call me that Yotan, makes me feel like a five year old," Omi complained but he didn't sound too upset. _Okay, what the hell is going on in there?_ Ken wondered and closed his eyes.

"You're not five, or at least I hope you're not because then this wouldn't be legal," Yoji snickered. "And where are you going?" A low laugh was heard but the brunette couldn't be sure whom it came from.

"You want me you better catch me," the smaller blonde joked and Ken could hear the sound of running feet.

"Got you baby! Now what am I going to do with you, hm? Wait I know! How about this?" The brunette eyes widened when a low moan reached his ears. "Thought you might like that bishounen." Another moan, louder this time. "Didn't I tell you you're good enough to eat?"

"Who's being a tease now?" Omi almost whimpered. "Yotan don't do that!" The lanky blonde chuckled and obviously didn't stop doing whatever it was he was doing since a new moan was heard. Ken backed away from the door. Those sounds… He swallowed with difficulty and blinked.

The brunette might be 'innocent' but not THAT innocent. Those moans were moans of pleasure, which only could mean one thing: Yoji had corrupted sweet little Omi! Ken shook his head and dove into his room. Yoji and Omi? No it couldn't be! The lanky blonde was a player but as far as the brunette knew he only went for women, lots of women. And Omi? Omi was just a kid he shouldn't, couldn't be doing… He shook his head again. _I am not going to think about this!_ Shaking he turned on his stereo and buried his face in a pillow.

/&/

At dinner Ken couldn't stop staring at the two blondes. They seemed normal at first but then he started to notice small things. Like the way Yoji looked at the small blonde or the way Omi would smile at the oldest assassin when he thought no one was looking. He had two hours before Aya would show up in his room and he was not going through that again! If he couldn't get it right then he would just make sure he wasn't around when the redhead came to talk to him. As soon as he had finished poking around in his food he bolted from the house.

Yoji and Omi? He just couldn't get it out of his head. Those two were, were getting it one with each other. Ken swallowed and headed down a random street. Two of his teammates were together. What the hell had Yoji done to innocent little Omi? Turned him onto perverted, sin-full paths, that was what he had done. The lanky playboy was using his friend to satisfy his own twisted needs. Ken gritted his teeth.

Why hadn't he noticed it before? Was he really that blind? Or perhaps he had just ignored it because he didn't want to see it? The brunette muttered to himself and broke into a run. He really needed get rid of some tension before he snapped. Didn't he have enough problems already with Aya? When he was sweating like a pig and his legs had started begging for him to stop Ken had made a decision.

First of all he would have to investigate a little more so that he was absolutely sure Yoji and Omi really were a couple or whatever they were and then he was gonna kill Yoji. It was bad enough that that damn playboy slept with every single woman he could catch! He would save his younger friend from that fate no matter what! Determined and annoyed he headed back home to avoid Aya the best he could.

/&/

It was the perfect plan, Ken concluded as he snuck back into the house like a thief. The shop was closed, Aya would be gone all day and the two blondes though he would be as well. Since he had gone through this day three times before he knew exactly how it was supposed to happen but he was gonna change that now. Yoji and Omi were home alone all day so if they were up to something they would probably do it while he and Aya weren't around. The brunette snuck upstairs on silent feet and carefully peeked around. The door to Yoji's room stood ajar and he could hear voices.

"Are you sure they're both gone?" Omi asked quietly as Ken made his way to the door.

"Will you stop thinking about them? Aya left early this morning and Ken an hour ago, neither one of them will be back for hours."

"I just don't want us to get into trouble."

"Neither do I baby but I've missed you and besides, do you really think it would be so awful if they found out about us?" Yoji asked softly with a shred of sadness in his voice.

"You know I want to tell them Yotan but… I don't think Ken would handle it very well," Omi sighed.

"I just don't understand why he's like that. How can love be wrong?" Ken shuddered as a pang of guilt hit his heart. Yoji loved Omi?

"He has his beliefs, it's not his fault."

"I know but it's driving me crazy that we have to sneak around like this. I just want to wake up with you in the mornings, is that really too much to ask for?" Yoji asked slowly. The brunette frowned. He had never heard the lanky blonde talk like that before.

"I'll tell him Yotan, I promise, I'm just afraid that he'll hate us. He's my best friend…" Omi mumbled. _Yeah and some best friend I am,_ Ken thought and hung his head in shame. "Could we just forget about that right now? I just want to touch you, I've missed you so much."

"I'm all yours Omi, you know that. Come here." The softness in Yoji's voice was strange. There was no teasing, no playfulness in it, just deep emotions. Carefully Ken snuck a peek inside the blonde's room. Yoji was lying on the bed with Omi more or less on top of him, nuzzling his neck. The taller blonde gently lifted up the smaller ones face to look him in the eyes. "I love you Omi, you know that right?"

"I know and I love you too." Omi leaned forward and kissed his oldest teammate softly. "I'll talk to Ken," he said when they broke apart.

"When?"

"After the mission I'll talk to him and I'll tell him about us." Yoji wrapped his arms tighter around the small body and rested his forehead against Omi's.

"Are you sure about this baby? I mean, maybe we should wait." The petit blonde shook his head.

"I'm sure. I'm tired of hiding us Yotan. Ken will just have to accept this or he's not the friend I think he is." The brunette quickly removed himself from the door and left the house again. No wonder Yoji was so snappy at that mission especially not the first time they had gone through it since Ken had reacted so badly to Aya's confession.

Not only had he deeply hurt the redhead and gotten him killed he had also hurt Yoji and Omi with his actions and hard words. It really made sense that neither one of the two blonde had wanted to talk to him afterwards. _What kind of person am I?_ Ken asked himself as he aimlessly strolled down the streets of Tokyo.

TBC

Well Yoji and Omi sure gave Ken something to think about ne? And Fate pushed a few buttons as well. Now, does Ken feel something for Aya? And what will happen on the mission? Aya haven't been able to talk to Ken yet. If you want to find out you know what to do. Ja/Atsureki


	6. Catching A Clue Or Two

Please Give Me Another Chance

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers: I own diddly-dick that's all I'm gonna say 'bout it

Paring: Aya/Ken, one-sided

Warnings: OCC, angst, short chapter.

Notes: Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts or the strange little voice Ken hears in his head.

Chapter 6. Catching A Clue Or Two

He had two days before the mission and he was anxious. The only thing that kept him from panicking completely was the fact that he was utterly exhausted from hiding from Aya. As soon as his shift was over in the shop he bolted from the house and didn't return until late when he was sure everybody was asleep. He slept badly and was up at the crack of dawn to continue avoiding the redhead the best he could. So far Aya hadn't had a chance to talk to him and Ken could only hope that that would keep his friend alive during that damn mission.

Tired and feeling pretty much like a jerk the brunette took off his jacket and strolled towards the stairs. There was another thing that bothered him. What if his failure to keep Aya alive had something to do with Yoji and Omi? Maybe he needed to accept them as well? Ken frowned and peeked into the living room. The two blondes were sitting on the couch watching TV. _I'll give it a try,_ the brunette decided and headed towards them. It could at least not make things worse and it would probably lighten the mood around the house.

"Hello Ken-kun," Omi said quietly. His two teammates where sitting close but not so close that anyone would get the wrong idea.

"Hello Omi, Yoji." The lanky blonde nodded to him and then turned his attention back to the movie. _Well here goes nothing._ "Could you scoot over a little?" Ken asked and looked at Omi.

"Um, sure," the little blonde answered and gave him a strange look before he moved closer to Yoji. A shudder went through the youngest assassin as his leg pressed against the taller man's. Without a word Ken placed himself directly in front of the two. They were staring at him but he just stood there for a while.

"Yoji give me your hand." Confused the lanky blonde did as he was told. Ken took his oldest teammate by the wrist and placed his arm around Omi's shoulders. "There that's so much better don't you think?" he smiled and ignored the shocked expressions on their faces.

"What are you doing Ken?" Yoji asked and glanced at his own arm that was resting around the smaller blonde's shoulders. The brunette sank down on the couch and shrugged.

"You two look good together you shouldn't hide it." Omi's blue eyes widened and he was still looking very confused.

"Ken-kun?"

"Yeah?"

"You… you know?" Ken smiled and nodded. "But how?"

"Oh I have eyes you know. Besides, the doors here aren't as thick as you might think," the brunette answered slowly and leaned back. He might sound calm but the truth was that he had a hard time accepting the situation. Two males together was still wrong in his head but he had to accept it if he wanted to keep his friends and that was more important.

"You okay with this Ken?" Yoji asked and pulled his lover closer. _No, I'm not okay with this but what am I supposed to do about it?_ Ken sighed to himself.

"It gonna take some getting used to but who am I to stop you?" Ken rose again and bit his lip. "If you hurt him I'll kill you," he added softly. "That goes for you too Omi." Slowly he left the room and walked up the stairs. Well that hadn't gone too badly or at least Ken hoped it hadn't. When he reached the top of the stairs he carefully looked around to see if Aya was around. No sign of the redhead. With a sigh he went to his room to get some much needed sleep.

/&/

Things were different on the mission. Yoji was more relaxed and Aya was joining the conversation. _Maybe I got it right this time?_ Ken couldn't be sure but time would tell. Avoiding the redhead was taking the easy way out but he didn't really care as long as nobody died.

"Earth to Siberian," Yoji said and poked his teammate in the side.

"Sorry I spaced out there."

"So I noticed," the blonde chuckled. _Well at least he's a lot happier,_ the brunette sighed. "You and Abyssinian are gonna take out the targets on the fifth floor, okay?" Things were moving a long a little faster than the other times which might be a good thing.

"Okay. Let's go then Abyssinian." The redhead nodded and together they climbed the stairs. Ken could probably do that in his sleep or rather in his nightmares. That damn corridor still made him feel like throwing up. Like all the other times they stopped at the same place to wait for their targets, or in Ken's case the guards that were going to kill Aya.

"Why have you been avoiding me for two weeks?" The brunette bit down on his lip hard and swallowed. He hated lying but he had to make it look like that didn't have anything to do with the redhead.

"I've had a lot on my mind lately," Ken sighed and looked at his shoes. "I accidentally found out that Yoji and Omi are lovers." Aya raised an eyebrow.

"I thought you knew." So they had told the redhead or maybe he had figured it out on his own?

"I didn't so I needed some time to myself to digest it," Ken mumbled and hoped no one was going to punish him for his lies.

"So, you're okay with it?" the redhead asked softly.

"Pretty much. I mean they're Yoji and Omi, my friends, nothing's gonna change that, right?"

"I need to talk to you when we're done here." _You can do anything you want to me if you just stay alive,_ Ken sighed to himself.

"Oh?" The brunette looked up from his shoes and winced slightly when he realized how close Aya was. Their faces almost touched and it was impossible for him to tear his eyes away from the redhead's. It happened in slow motion but Ken did nothing to get away. Aya softly kissed him and the feeling it brought upon the brunette made him shiver.

"I'm sorry I…" the redhead immediately said and backed away. "I'm sorry." With another look at his teammate Aya turned around and fled.

"No! Wait!" Ken called out but the other man was already gone. _What the hell was that?_ he asked himself and touched his lips. He had kissed Aya before but it had never felt like that and he couldn't decide if he liked it or not because it was so confusing.

"Siberian, Abyssinian, watch your backs I just saw several guards heading upstairs." Ken snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Omi's voice.

"Copy that Bombay but we have a problem."

"Problem?"

"Um yes, Abyssinian isn't here."

"What do you mean he's not there?" Omi barked and Ken could hear him say something to the other blonde. He was just about to answer when a very familiar clatter reached his ears.

"NO!" the brunette howled. "Aya no." His voice turned to a whisper as he started running down the corridor, not really caring that he was putting himself in danger. "Please don't let him die again, not now." His movements stopped suddenly and he fell to the floor. Aya was dead again, shot at close range, ripped to shreds by countless bullets. Slowly Ken crawled over to the redhead and placed his friend's head on his lap. "I'm so sorry Aya. It should be me instead of you. I'm so very sorry," the brunette cried as he lovingly stroke away blood-soaked hair from his teammate's face. The beautiful pale face was painted in crimson and the amethyst eyes were staring blankly at nothing. "I'm not gonna let this happen again, I'm not." Ken pressed his forehead against Aya's as he cried harder. "This is the fourth time you die because I'm so fucking stupid. Please someone just help me get this right. I don't want him to die, I love him." A sudden sound caused Ken to turn around. He never even had a chance to react before a loud bang shot through the air and everything turned black.

TBC

Oh great now they both died/scratches head/ Will Fate step in again or is this it? And just what did Ken mean when he said that he loves Aya? We'll just have to wait and see ne? Ja/Atsureki


	7. Confusion Can Lead To Understanding

Please Give Me Another Chance

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers: I own diddly-dick that's all I'm gonna say 'bout it

Paring: Aya/Ken

Warnings: OCC, angst, major confusion and strangeness! Oh and massive swearing, Ken has a potty-mouth.

Notes: Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts, lyrics or the strange little voice Ken hears in his head namely Fate.

Chapter 7. Confusion Can Lead To Understanding

_Wake up Ken!_ The voice was forceful so the brunette obeyed. His eyes opened and for a moment he didn't know where he was. _I am getting tired of saving you!_ Ken scowled and sat up.

"Then why are you doing it? I'm mean we both know that I'm gonna keep fucking this up no matter how many chances you give me," he answered sourly and plucked at his shirt. _You amuse me,_ Fate chuckled quietly inside his head. _Besides, I need you to see what was always there. _Ken raised an eyebrow and shook his head.

"What's that supposed to mean?" _You will figure it out soon enough Ken. Now could you please stop getting yourself killed? It is bad enough that Aya keeps on dying just because you are too stupid or too slow to understand._

"If you told me what it is I'm supposed to understand I wouldn't have to go through this so many times!" the brunette spat out and glared around his room. _You know I cannot do that. The lessons of life are something all humans will have to learn by themselves. Unfortunately you seem to be a very slow learner._

"Oh shut up!" _I do not think so. Before you died you seemed to at least have grasped some of it,_ Fate muttered. Ken frowned. Exactly what was it that he had grasped? He didn't remember exactly what had happened or maybe he just didn't want to? _Let me ask you a question. Why do you think that love between two men is so wrong?_

"I… it's… of course it's wrong!" Ken exclaimed. _Why?_

"The bible says that…" _Ken,_ Fate sighed deeply, _how old do you think I am? How long do you think I have been watching over human lives?_

"I um don't know…" _I am not going to say anything about God or Jesus but please believe me I'm older than anyone or anything in the world. I was here long before there even was a planet called earth. Now listen… Love is never wrong, love is the backbone of humanity and as such it does not care about genders, age or things like that. Sure there are situations were love can be "unsuitable" but it is never wrong. There was a time when marriage between siblings was allowed, when it was okay to marry a child. _

_That did not really have anything to do with love and therefore it was usually wrong. But if you would fall in love with a 12 year old it would still not be wrong even if it would not be tolerated. Love comes in different shapes and sometimes it can be handled wrongly. But if love is true it cannot be wrong, it may have to wait until the situation is better though. I give every single human several lives and in one of them the love will be less "unsuitable". _Ken stared at the wall not exactly understanding what Fate was getting at.

"You're telling me that if I fell in love with my own sister and took her to my bed it wouldn't be wrong?" Fate laughed. _You are confusing love with sex. Love is something pure that cannot be compared to the urges of the flesh. Sure if you love someone 'that way' you probably want to be intimate with that someone but you are all given morals, rules of what is right and wrong to do with that love. What I am trying to tell you is that you and Aya have already had so many chances with love and it has never been "suitable". There was one time when Aya was your father, one time when you were sisters, another when you were a male slave and he was a concubine. I have seen the two of you being ripped apart too many times to give up now._

"But I don't love him!" Ken almost yelled. _Then why is it so important for you to save him? Why do you constantly worry about him? Why do your eyes seek him out all the time? Why do you dream about him at night?_

"He's my friend! I can't let him die because of me damn it! I would do that same for Yoji or Omi." _Yes and no… This is different Ken,_ Fate sighed. _You don't see the differences like I do and you are not supposed to either. You hide behind the bible but the real reason why you cannot accept his feelings for you are not only because of the way you were brought up. I cannot help you more than I already have so please consider what I have told you, be honest with yourself Ken or Aya will not make it… and neither will you._

"I… He's important to me," the brunette admitted and frowned.

"But I can't love him, I just can't!" _You are being stubborn Ken and in the end that will be your doom as well as Aya's. One day you will wake up and realize what I am trying to show you and then you really will be sorry. Do not let it go that far. Please open up your heart and mind Ken… I can only do so much for you and if you cannot get this right I am not sure what to do with you. I am not saying that this cannot be fix unless you commit yourself to Aya but do not take the hard way out just because you are afraid of loving someone. Remember that I know everything so there is no real point in lying to me! Give him a chance and give yourself one too. Ken, you and Aya are both suffering and it is your fault._

The feeling of having someone inside his head disappeared and Ken sank back against his pillows. He was so confused and well… scared. Whatever it was Fate had been telling him Ken didn't exactly understand. Did he love Aya? Could he love Aya? '_I don't want him to die, I love him._' That was the last thing he had said before he died, wasn't it?

"I'm sorry Aya but I can't… I just can't love you that way, I'm sorry…" Ken whimpered and buried his face in his pillow.

/&/

"Ken-kun!" Ken groaned. He must have fallen asleep after Fate 'left'. "Ken-kun! You're going to be late for your shift." The brunette growled. He had had enough! "KEN-KUN!"

"GO AWAY OMI!" Ken yelled with anger.

"But…"

"Go to hell!" He wasn't being fair to Omi but he didn't really care. Enough was enough! The little blonde didn't say anything else and left him alone. He was supposed to get up but he just ignored everything. Fate could go to hell! Ken huffed with annoyance and buried his face in the pillow again. _To hell with it all,_ he thought sourly. As far as the brunette was concerned he had tried everything to keep Aya alive and nothing had worked so far. He was angry, confused and so very tired of messing up. What did it matter?

If Fate knew everything he could damn well fix it himself! Ken would not get up, he would not try again and he did NOT love Aya! Stubbornly the brunette stayed right where he was and moped like a little child. If his teammates knew what was good for them they'd leave him the fuck alone! Unfortunately for him they obviously didn't know since someone was knocking on his door.

"Piss off!" Ken snarled and glared daggers at the door.

"Hidaka your shift starts in five minutes!" _Oh great it's Aya,_ the brunette muttered inside and put the pillow over his head.

"Get lost Aya," he pouted underneath his pillow even though he knew that the redhead wouldn't be able to hear him. Couldn't he just get one little break? Was it really that much to ask for?

"Hidaka!" Aya was in his room now but Ken still refused to move. Strong hands pulled the pillow away and someone smacked him over the head. "Get up!"

"Fuck you!" the brunette spat out and lifted his head just enough to glare at the taller man.

"Excuse me?" Aya's voice was low and dangerous. Ken chose not to repeat what he had said. "Are you getting up or not?"

"Not," he muttered darkly and pressed his face against the bed.

"What the hell is wrong with you? First you bite Omi's head off and now you're yelling at me?" Ken groaned inside. His nerves had had just about all they could take and he could feel his control slipping. "Hidaka I suggest you get your ass downstairs!" Fuming with rage, confusion and desperation the brunette shot up from his bed.

"Don't push me Aya, just don't," Ken warned and fought to keep himself from doing something he really would regret later on. The redhead just glared at him with his cold amethyst eyes. "Now beat it!" So fast that the brunette didn't even have a chance to react Aya gripped his shirt and hauled him to his feet. They were standing face to face, glaring at each other with anger.

Ken drew in a deep breath, filling his lungs with Aya's intoxicating scent and his body shivered. What the hell was that? The brunette surprised both himself and Aya by pulling down the taller man's face to his own. "I told you not to push me!" The redhead blinked as Ken crushed their lips together. It was a stupid thing to do but he was so confused, so angry with himself. Aya pushed him away and let go of his shirt.

"What the hell are you doing?" he demanded to know and wiped his mouth, lips swollen from the brutal kiss.

"Isn't that what you wanted?" Ken asked with a mocking tone and licked his own lips. He knew he was ruining everything all over again but he was at the end of his rope. "Don't you want to kiss me? Fuck me?" Aya's eyes grew larger and a flash of hurt flew across them. The brunette was cruel and unfair but he just kept on pushing it further. "Or did you perhaps want me to fuck you? Hm? A faggot like you would love that I bet!" The redhead's face iced over and before Ken knew what was going on a hard fist sent him flying backwards.

"Don't ever, EVER come near me again Hidaka!" Aya grated out, turned around and stalked out of the room. When the door slammed shut the brunette closed his eyes and carefully cupped his throbbing cheek. His lip was busted and he could taste blood in his mouth. For a long time he just sat there before everything came crashing down around him.

"I'm sorry Aya, I'm sorry but I…" It didn't matter he had already destroyed everything all over again. Half his face was numb from pain but he deserved it. "I can't love you, don't you see?" he asked although he was alone. "And you shouldn't love me either…" Finally his brain shut down and all he could do was hug himself as he wept.

/&/

Ken didn't leave his room for two days and no one came to see him. He knew that Yoji and Omi had heard what he had said to the redhead so it was no surprise that they stayed away. Gingerly he trotted into the bathroom and glared at himself in the mirror.

"Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. Even I hate you! You're just a screw up," he muttered to his reflection. Angry and sad brown eyes stared back at him. What the hell was he doing? How he loathed himself. Once again he had signed Aya's death warrant and this time he had known exactly what he was doing.

"Well Fate you come and tell me what I'm supposed to do know, huh?" There was no way out, he simply couldn't get it right. Ken sighed deeply and sank down on the toilet. During the past two days he had had plenty of time to think and something had dawned on him, something he probably had known all along. It was scary and he still didn't accept it completely but somewhere deep down inside he knew that it was true. He was falling in love with Aya. That was something he would just have to ignore, fight, hide from, whatever. If he had fallen in love he would damn well fall out of love too! Ken hung his head and sighed again.

"Please just, just… give me another chance," the brunette suddenly choked out.

"I just… please." He didn't even know why he was asking for it, what he was going to do with it. But he couldn't let it end like this. It wasn't fair to Aya and he desperately needed and wanted to take back all the hard words. He wanted… he wanted… Confused Ken blinked. He wanted? Aya. The brunette nervously licked his lips.

"I want Aya?" Shocked and scared he went back to his bed. Soft music came from his stereo and he focused on it in an attempt to get away from his thoughts. Harmonic voices sang to him and even though he wasn't very good at English he understood the lyrics.

/&/

_I need you tonight - I need you, oh I need you baby  
I need you right now - It's gotta be this, it's gotta be this  
I know deep within my heart  
No, it doesn't matter if it's wrong or it's right  
All I know is baby  
I really need you tonight_

/&/

"No, it doesn't matter if it's wrong or it's right," Ken mumbled in broken English. Wasn't that what Fate had tried to tell him in his strange way? Hadn't he said that it didn't matter who you loved, it didn't matter if it was wrong or right as long as it was love? The brunette hugged himself.

"I… I love him…" The words weren't all that difficult to say after all. And since he could say them out loud even when he knew exactly what he was saying it must be true, right? Fate's words, those lyrics had somehow touched something inside of him. Ken blinked slowly and rubbed his aching head. Okay so he was falling, had fallen in love with Aya but what was he supposed to do about it? How was he supposed to deal with it when he wasn't, couldn't… Suddenly Ken wanted the redhead to be there with him. He needed Aya's calm being close.

"What have I done?" the brunette asked himself and the question came out as a low whimper filled with agony. He had hurt Aya so badly, caused his death so many times just because he was too stupid and ignorant to understand himself and what he was feeling. Ken closed his eyes tightly and rocked back and forth. This hadn't started recently, but he hadn't seen it, hadn't understood.

He had always tried to reach the redhead, had always worried about him, valued his opinion, and been hurt if Aya scolded him for being clumsy or not paying attention. Even if he hadn't fallen in love with his stoic friend until now he had always loved Aya more than he should have loved a friend. That was what Fate had meant when he said; '_Besides, I need you to see what was always there._' Pain shot through the brunette and he gasped for air.

"What have I done!" he almost screamed and shook his head.

TBC

First of all the lyrics used in this chapter are from I Need You Tonight by Backstreet Boys and I do not own it or them…

Oh dear this chapter is so confusing isn't it? Oh and what Fate says about love is not how I feel, I do not want ppl to think that I think it's okay to um well do things to kids or your sister/brother or whatever. What I'm trying to show here is that true love is never wrong, in Fate's eyes. Fate is not talking about romantic love he's just talking about the pure emotion of loving someone else. /nods/ I hope everybody understood that scared look Ja/Atsureki


	8. Playing For The Other Team

Please Give Me Another Chance

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers: I own diddly-dick that's all I'm gonna say 'bout it

Paring: Aya/Ken

Warnings: OCC, angst, harsh language.

Notes: Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts or the strange little voice Ken hears in his head namely Fate.

I don't like this chapter one bit! And please note that I have no idea of what goes through a person's head when he or she tries to come to term with being gay or bi-sexual. Anything that Ken thinks does or whatever, that seems completely wrong and stuff is due to the fact that I'm not only a female but also a straight one at that.

Chapter 8. Playing For The Other Team

It was a subdued Ken that entered the kitchen three days after his fight with Aya. The room was empty and he was thankful for that. His teammates were probably busy in the shop and the brunette was not looking forward to having to face them again. He had a week and a half before the mission but what was he going to do? Ken sighed deeply and made himself a sandwich. So he had feelings for their stoic leader, he had admitted to it and had no idea of what to do about it.

Sure he would probably get another chance if Aya died but that was not something he wanted in any way. It was far better that the redhead hated him than having him dying all over again. Ken pouted and sat down. A simple 'I'm sorry' wasn't going to cut it this time. Hell if he had been Aya he would never ever have forgiven Ken for what he had said. He raised an eyebrow. But if he did get another chance the redhead wouldn't even know how cruelly he had been treated. Guilt pained the brunette as he ate his sandwich.

He didn't deserve Aya's love but then he had always known that he didn't deserve love, hadn't he? _I'm such a bastard,_ the brunette sighed inside. Fate had been right; he was punishing the redhead for loving him. Besides, the thought of two men in love was still wrong in his head. Ken frowned and growled. Why did the redhead love him anyway? It wasn't like he was some wonderful good-looking person. He was plain, boring and he had blood all over his hands. Sure he smiled a lot and he tried to help and be there for his friends. Yeah right. He had in no way forgotten how he had reacted when he found out about Yoji and Omi. Some friend he was.

Not to even mention how he had treated Aya the first time the silent man had confessed his feelings. Why did Fate insist on giving him new chances? He didn't deserve them at all and he was never going to get it right. Lost in his problems and guilt Ken failed to notice that his teammates had entered the kitchen.

"I'll be in my room." When the brunette heard that he snapped his head up in time to see Aya's back disappear. He sighed deeply. So the redhead couldn't even stand to be in the same room as him anymore? Ken couldn't really blame him.

"I think I lost my appetite too," Yoji snorted and headed outside, most likely to smoke. Brown eyes filled with shame carefully glanced at Omi. The little blonde was ignoring him as he fixed himself something to eat.

"Why Ken?" The sudden question made the brunette jump. It didn't escape him how Omi dropped the -kun nor how angry his voice sounded. Hard blue eyes turned to him. "How could you say those things to him!" Ken lowered his eyes in shame and swallowed. How was he supposed to explain why he had lashed out like that?

"I… He… It's…" the brunette stuttered and licked his lips nervously. This was not going very smoothly.

"Well!" Omi asked harshly and tapped his foot. "Can't you even explain yourself? What is wrong with you!" Ken rose to his feet and ran a hand through his hair.

"I'm confused, okay? I don't know how to handle this! I don't fucking know what to do about any of this!" he blurted out with frustration and looked up.

"Handle what? What is it that you don't know what to do about?" Omi was glaring at him with his brows knitted together. The brunette's control was slipping again and he didn't even try to regain it.

"I'm gay and I don't know how the hell I ended up like this! I'm gay Omi… and I'm in love with fucking Aya!" Ken yelled and stormed out of the kitchen into the shop. Omi stared after him with confusion and shock written all over his face.

"K… Ken is in love with Aya?" No one was around to hear the hushed question.

/&/

Ken ran through the shop and out the door with his heart pounding like a drum. There he had told someone, he had admitted to it all out loud. Didn't do him much good though, did it? The brunette skidded to a stop and blinked slowly. He hadn't just admitted that he had feelings for Aya he had said that he was gay? Where the hell had that come from? He wasn't gay, he couldn't be. He liked girl, women, females! But then again when had he ever really been interested in girls? Yuriko. Ken nodded to himself. Actually he hadn't been all that interested in her either. She was nice and all but that was about it, wasn't it?

"Someone please kill me now." the brunette moaned and wrapped his arms around himself. "I'm gay? I'm a homo, a queer, a faggot, a pouf, a fucking fairy." Those words hurt, a lot. Ken choked back a sob and started running again. How could this have happened to him? Why was he like that? Couldn't he just be normal like everybody else? Well not everybody else but… No it couldn't be, it just couldn't. He didn't like men even if he might have feelings for Aya. They had kissed and he hadn't liked it one bit!

A nagging little voice in his head disagreed with him. When the redhead had kissed him during the last mission he had liked it. That simple kiss had sent shivered through his whole body. Ken groaned and ran faster. He might as well give up because there was no real point in denying it anymore, was there? Hidaka Ken was like 'that'; he was playing for the other team.

/&/

It was in the middle of the night but he was still awake, unable to sleep. His mind was a mess and he didn't know what was up and what was down anymore. Half the time he accepted that perhaps he might, possibly, probably be gay and half the time he desperately tried to reason his way out of it. He had been brought up better than that, his parents had taught him better than that! So there simply had to be some other explanation for it. But what might that be in that case? He did have feelings for Aya, he did love him.

Ken might not be willing or able to completely admit to it just yet, but he was indeed well on the way of falling in love with the redhead. For a long time Aya had been the first thing on his mind when he woke up and the last when he went to sleep. He hadn't exactly pictured him naked or anything like that but he thought about him constantly, worried about what Aya might think of him. Hell he had always tried to make the taller man proud of him and it had always hurt so much when the redhead scolded him for being clumsy or doing something wrong. Inside he was fighting with himself and it was a war he had no way of knowing if or when he lost or won.

Tired and confused Ken sank down on his bed. What was the first thing he wanted to do when he something was wrong or when he felt bad? He swallowed. _Go to Aya_. Aya was the person he preferred to be teamed up with both on missions and in the shop. Aya was the person he wanted with him when his life turned difficult. Aya was the person he wanted to turn to when he had problems even though the redhead usually didn't seem to care. Aya was the person he always tried to cheer up, take care of and help.

Ken grunted and rubbed his aching head. Did loving one man make him gay? Did it really even matter whether or not he was gay? _Does it really matter if it's right or wrong?_ Fate had told him that it didn't and somewhere deep down inside Ken knew that Fate was right.

"Why is this so confusing!" he asked harshly and pounded his fists into the bed. "Why can't I accept this?" Omi had accepted it, Aya had done the same, hell even Yoji had accepted that he loved another man so why couldn't he do the same? The brunette let out a low chuckle. Wasn't that something? Four gay men in the same house? What were the odds of that? Well Yoji was probably not gay since he had spent so much time chasing women. Did it change anything that his friend's sexual preferences weren't what he had thought they were?

Ken frowned for a moment. If Aya had just told him that he preferred men to women would he have had a problem with it? Yes? No? The brunette wasn't sure but he knew he wouldn't have reacted as badly as he had when that confession had included that Aya had feelings for him. Exhausted and with a chaos of thoughts darting back and forth inside his head Ken fell asleep.

/&/

The day of the mission came without any answers to the endless amount of questions Ken had. Since his confession in the kitchen Omi had been giving him strange looks but the little blonde hadn't talked to him. Aya left as soon as Ken came into the same room and Yoji made no attempt of hiding his anger or disgust for the brunette. Ken looked around the shop before he turned off the lights. He wasn't going on the mission. Yoji had flatly told him that they didn't want him with them and the brunette hadn't objected even though he wanted to.

Maybe Aya would survive if he just weren't there? It was worth a try at least. He sighed and headed for his room where he spent most of his time. Waiting for his teammates to return was going to be hell and then some but there was nothing he could do about it. Sighing to himself the brunette sat down and twisted his hands. The others would leave in a few hours and then he could do nothing but wait and pray that they would all return unharmed.

/&/

He paced back and forth in the living room while his hands twitched and trembled. Something must have gone wrong; they had been gone for way too long. Ken chewed on his lip and continued pacing. Had Aya died again? The redhead should be okay! He hadn't been there to upset him so Aya should be focused on the mission, shouldn't he? This was driving him insane! When he was about to pull his hair out in frustration he finally heard the sound of a car. Nervous and scared Ken waited for his teammates to come inside.

He approached the front door and twisted his fingers. It opened and Yoji walked in. The brunette only needed to take one look at his oldest teammate. Yoji's clothes were drenched in blood and his eyes were angry and sad. Ken shook his head and closed his eyes. Something hard knocked him to the floor and a fist landed in his face.

"You fucking bastard!" Shocked the brunette stared at Yoji. "It's your fault you fuck! He died because of you!" Ken didn't answer, did even try to escape the punches. In the corner of his eyes he saw Omi but the little blonde made no attempt to stop the fight even though his eyes didn't look as angry as Yoji's. "You should have been there to cover his back!" Another fist connected to Ken's face but he didn't even flinch. "It's your fault!"

"I know," the brunette mumbled and tasted blood in his mouth. "I know it's my fault." Yoji got up and glared at him with contempt.

"You're not fucking worth it Hidaka! Go to hell!" The lanky blonde stomped off and Ken stumbled to his feet. Wearily he turned to Omi.

"They shot him in the back, he never even had a chance to react," the petit blonde almost whispered. "I don't even think he cared…" Omi squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before he followed Yoji upstairs.

"Please give me another chance! PLEASE!" Ken begged and wiped the blood from his face. The house was quiet, dark. "Fate you have to help me! Aya can't be dead, he just can't!" No answer, no nothing. The brunette sank down on his knees and sobbed. Once again Aya had been killed because of him. He could barely remember how many times that had happened. Five. Aya had died because of him for the fifth times. Would there be a sixth time? Would Fate even bother with giving him another chance?

TBC

I do have the ending all done but I have no idea of how to um 'get' to it if you know what I mean/pouts/ Where the heck is my muse when I need her? She's usually a very kind and generous muse but I think she's on vacation or something/whines/ Um anyone want to lend me a muse for a few days? Anyone? Ja/Atsureki


	9. Is The Sixth Time The Charm Then?

Please Give Me Another Chance

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : I own diddly-dick that's all I'm gonna say 'bout it

Paring : Aya/Ken 

Warnings : OCC, Angst, Shonen-ai.

Notes : Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts or the strange little voice Ken hears in his head namely Fate. 

There's a lot of talking and stuff in this chapter so you might find it boring but I couldn't get around it. Sorry minna-san.

Chapter 9. Is The Sixth Time The Charm Then?

"Ken-kun!" The brunette let out a loud sigh and banged his head against the pillow. _Here we go again._ "Ken-kun! You're going to be late for your shift." How the hell was he going to fix everything? And why hadn't Fate talked to him? "KEN-KUN!" Maybe the sixth time was the charm? 

"I'm coming Omi," Ken answered and got up. He took a shower and reluctlantly went down to the kitchen where he poured himself a cup of coffe. Whatever he was going to do this time he had to be honest! He owed Aya that much.

"You're late." The brunette looked up and for a moment he just stared into those beautiful amethyst eyes.

"I'll be right there." Unlike the other times Aya didn't leave right away. He looked at Ken for a while.

"You okay?" Ken swallowed. No he wasn't okay but he couldn't very well tell the redhead that.

"Just have a lot on my mind Aya," the brunette answered softly. Aya gave him a little nod and left him alone. Ken finished his coffee and closed his eyes for a while. _Just please let me get it right this time, please, _he begged before he rose and headed for the Koneko. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Ken?" The brunette nervously clenched his jaws together and said a little prayer. With a weak smile on his lips he turned around and faced the redhead. This was it, no more screw ups just complete and utter honesty! 

"Hai, Aya?"

"Could I talk to you for a moment?" Ken drew a deep breath and let it out shakingly.

"Of course, come on in." Aya hesitated for a moment just like he had done the other times. 

"Ken I…" The redhead's started and Ken felt how he started to tremble. _I can't do this! _he screamed out inside but forced his face to remain calm. "I don't know how to say this Ken but I… I…" _Okay here we go, don't panic. _"I think I'm falling in love with you." Ken swallowed with great effort and waited for the redhead to finish. "I'm sorry Ken but I have to know, do I stand a chance with you?" Aya was done, so what the hell was he suppose to say. _The truth, just the truth Hidaka! _He pulled at his shirt and felt how his throat constricted. This was so hard. The redhead opened his mouth to say something but Ken held up his hand.

"Please just give me a moment Aya." the brunette pleaded and sat down. Nothing came to him, he bloody felt like he had gone mute. "Yes." Aya gave him a very confused look.

"Yes what?" Ken would have laughed at himself if the situation hadn't been so serious. He wasn't making any sense what so ever.

"You asked me a question and um well the answer is yes." The redhead didn't seem to be understanding what he meant at all. Ken sighed deeply and desperately wanted to kick himself in the ass. 

"I don't think I'm following you," Aya frowned and came a little closer. The brunette gave him a helpless smile and suddenly started chuckling.

"Makes two of us. I'm sorry Aya I just don't know how to say this," Ken apologized and glued his eyes to the floor. A surprisingly warm and soft hand tilted his face up and amethyst eyes met brown.

"Say what Ken?"

"That I… That you… Oh God I'm such an idiot!" the brunette exclaimed and squeezed his eyes shut. "How hard can it be to say that I'm attracted to you!" _Oups. _The room became quiet and Ken squinted at the redhead. Aya was staring at him with wide eyes and his mouth hanging open, actually he was looking rather cute and innocent. Ken was still trembling as he reached out and took the other man's hand in his. "Don't mind me I've got my foot stuck in my mouth… What I wanted to say was that well I… eh… think I have feelings for you too."

"Oh," was the only thing Aya managed to get out. _Ha take that Fate! _the brunette cheered inside, _I said it!_ His feeling of victory was shortlived though because he knew that he had to explain exactly how he was feeling inside.

"Listen, I've never… This… this is new to me Aya. I mean I've never even looked at another man before and I just…" Ken sighed deeply at his own stammering. "I'm… scared." To his surprise the redhead smiled softly and sat down beside him on the bed.

"And you don't think I am? I am Ken… I didn't plan this nor expected it, actually a few months ago I couldn't even admit to it. But I have to take this chance, I have to see where this will lead me, us," Aya said quietly. Ken's eyes widened in surprise. Why had he thought that the redhead knew exactly what he was doing? How foolish of him. They were just as new at this, just as scared. With a soft sigh the brunette leaned against his older team-mate.

"Let's just take it slow, be honest and tell each other what we're… thinking." An arm was carefully placed around his shoulders and it felt safe, like it belonged there. "

"Deal. So Ken…" Ken glanced up and into the redhead's eyes. "I was wondering if I could take you out to dinner tomorrow night." The brunette blinked in surprise. Aya was asking him out on a date? 

"I'd like that Aya, I'd really like that," he smiled and in a moment of bravery he gave the stoic man a kiss on the cheek causing them both to blush slightly.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He had been worried and nervous about his date with Aya. So he had been on a date or two before but never with a guy. Was one of them suppose to be the 'girl'? And in that case should the other one open doors, pay and stuff like that? The only same sex relationship Ken had ever seen before what Yoji and Omi's and that didn't exactly help him much. 

Yoji was so much 'guy' while Omi was well not. It wasn't that the brunette for a moment saw his smaller friend as girly but anyone who knew the little blonde had to see that he wasn't exactly the most masculine guy around. Ken had rolled his eyes at his line of thinking. He had probably been going through the stereo-type ideas a lot of people had about gay-couples. 

When the redhead had showed up outside Ken's door earlier that evening his worries had been settled. The man taking him out was still 'just' Aya. Nothing weird about it, nothing that implied anyting out of the ordinery, unless the brunette counted the flip-flops his stomach made. 

Aya took him to a small, quiet restaurant. Ken looked at the redhead as they waited for a waiter to bring them some menues. That pale beautiful face looked a bit diffrent than usually. It wasn't as bland and closed nor where the amethyst eyes as cold. Aya looked relaxed almost content.

"Something wrong?" The smooth baritone startled Ken and he blushed since he had been caught staring.

"Um no I was just… eh… hrm…" The brunette groaned at himself. Talk about making an ass out of himself. He glanced up and widened his eyes slightly when he found Aya smiling at him.

"You don't have to be nervous Ken," the redhead said softly, still smiling slightly. "I'm not gonna rush this or force you do do anything that you don't feel comfortable with, okay?" Ken licked his lips and sighed with relief.

"Thanks," he murmured. "It's just that it feels a bit weird…" Aya tilted his head slightly.

"What does?"

"This, you and me. You know…" Ken's voice trailed off for a moment. "I mean I've known you for years and then one day I just saw you in a um diffrent light. But I…" He hesitated. "But I know that this didn't just start recently." 

"Oh? How do you mean?" the redhead asked quietly and met Ken's brown gaze.

"I think I've had these feelings for you for a long time but I just… I couldn't…" The brunette frowned at himself. Why was this so hard to get out? "I was just…"

"Afraid?" Aya suggested calmly. "You were afraid of what it meant? You didn't really understand what those feelings were, what to call them?" Surprised and a little bit shocked Ken nodded. That was exactly how it was. Did that mean that Aya had felt the same?

"I tried to ignore it, hide from it because I… I um… didn't want to be…" _Great job Hidaka! _the brunette growled inside his head. _Cat got your tongue?_

"You were taught this is wrong, weren't you?" Aya asked with his voice soft and understanding. Ken nodded and felt very ashamed. That and his belief that he didn't deserve happyness or love had gotten the redhead killed five times. The waiter interupted their conversation.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When their food arrived Ken had relaxed a lot. Aya made it easy for him, keeping the conversation light and he didn't put any pressure on either one of them. They were sitting close together and it felt safe. The brunette had always felt safe with Aya and he had never understood why before. He smiled at himself. 

Fate had been right all along and he was so grateful that the strange voice in his head hadn't given up on him. Sure it had taken him 10 weeks and five tries to accept it but he knew that it would be worth it although… He really wished he hadn't been so stubborn and blind. Even if Aya didn't remember all the times Ken had failed and let him down the brunette sure did.

"Ken-san," a soft female voice suddenly said. Ken looked up and smiled.

"Ishibashi-san." The petit woman standing beside their table was the mother of one of the childer he coached. She gave Aya a strange look and then turned to Ken again. "Ah this is Aya my um friend." 

"Aya-san," she nodded and lowered her head slightly. The redhead returned the gesture but he didn't say anything. "I better be getting back to my husband just thought I'd say hello." Ken smiled again.

"Have a nice evening." She nodded to him and left. The brunette frowned slightly. Why had she been so reserved? He glanced at Aya who was frowning slightly. "Someting wrong?" 

"Iie. Do you want desert?" Ken bit his lip. Okay now Aya was acting weird too but he decided not to worry about it.

"Actually I rather go for a walk if that's okay?" The redhead nodded and waved for the waiter. He did not like this. Why had Aya turned so silent all of the sudden?

~TBC~

Looks like Ken is finally getting it right ne? But why did Aya act so weird? And what about that woman? 

I really wanted to include the sixth mission in this chapter but it was getting so long so we'll have to wait until the next one for that. This time it should work out shouldn't it??

Now a huge thanks to Keeshe who borrowed me one of her muses. *G* He was great thanks although he was forced to work without all that much angst. Hey do you mind if I keep him? He's sooo cute. I think I can use him more um for my writing I mean *innocent look* Ja/Atsureki


	10. A Diffrent Fate

Please Give Me Another Chance

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : I own diddly-dick that's all I'm gonna say 'bout it

Paring : Aya/Ken 

Warnings : OCC, Angst, Shonen-ai, Long chapter *yay*.

Notes : Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts or the strange little voice Ken hears in his head namely Fate. 

Could possibly be the last chapter of this fic, it's up to you mina-san. Although I don't think some people will like the ending in that case *chuckles*

Chapter 10. A Diffrent Fate

They were strolling along the darkening streets of Tokyo in silence. Ken didn't like it at all. Something was bothering Aya and he couldn't figure out what it was. Perhaps he should just ask? But it wasn't that easy for him. Hell they were only on their first date and already there were problems. Ken sadly stared at the pavement. 

Maybe Fate had been wrong all along? Maybe he and Aya weren't suppose to be at all? The brunette frowned at himself. If that was the case then why did he love him? No it had to work! It wasn't just because he was sure that the redhead would die once again but because Ken wanted Aya by his side, as his partner, lover, boyfriend whatever anyone wanted to call him. 

"Ne Aya?" he asked timidly.

"Aa." That answer was never a good thing. The brunette sighed deeply.

"What's wrong?" He could feel the redhead's eyes on him but didn't look up.

"Nothing," was the short answer Ken got. He dropped the issue, too insecure to push it any further. They continued walking side by side. Aya seemed to be keeping his distant and it hurt. Why had the redhead gone back to his reserved self when the Ishibashi-woman had talked to him? Ken bit his lip and remembered the conversation. '_Ah this is Aya my um friend._' He cursed himself. That must be why Aya was acting so weird. The brunette stopped and took a hold of the other man's arm.

"I'm sorry." Amethyst eyes looked at him with confusion.

"About what?"

"I just… I didn't mean to… I'm not ashamed of you or anything…" Ken sighed at himself. Why did everything he said to Aya sound so idiotic?

"What are you talking about?" the redhead asked and tilted his head slightly.

"Ishibashi-san," Ken mumbled. "I shouldn't have said that you were just a friend." Aya smiled slightly at him.

"Neither one of us are ready to answer any questions about… that so don't worry Ken." Brown eyes watched the pale face before them carefully. Aya's smile was fake, forced. Ken should know since he himself wore smiles like that way too often. But again he found himself dropping the issue. 

"It's getting late… We better head home again," the brunette said instead and nodded in the direction of the car.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A week later Ken was seriously starting to wonder if he was paying for some crime or sin he had committed. He was confused, angry and hurt. Aya was confusing him with the way he acted or didn't act. The tall redhead was sweet and caring but there was something holding him back. When they were alone he acted that way but they hadn't gone out together again and as soon as Omi and/or Yoji was near he switched back to his Ice Prince-routine. 

Ken just didn't understand why. He knew that Aya knew about the two blondes so why was he insisting on hiding? The brunette just couldn't figure it out and he hated being confused! But he didn't confront the silent redhead because he needed him so much at the moment. Although Ken refused to tell Aya what was bothering him the taller man gave him so much comfort just by being there, close to him. 

When Omi and Yoji weren't around during evenings, which they seldom were, they would cuddle up together on the couch and those moments brought such peace to Ken's troubled mind. The brunette was angry but not with Aya. No his anger was directed towards the blasted Ishibashi-woman who had told the other parents that he was gay and dating some mean-looking redhead. Ken snorted angerly. Sure it was true, well minus the mean-looking redhead-part, but it was none of her fucking business! And it was that that had lead to him feeling seriously hurt. 

Almost half of the children he coached had suddenly quit. No reasons were given but the brunette wasn't stupid. He knew all too well that it was thanks to the rumour about him being with another man. Ken had decided not to tell Aya about it. The redhead wouldn't be able to help, he couldn't make people understand so what was the point in telling him? Besides, the brunette refused to do anything that could upset Aya before the mission. He was NOT going to do a single thing that could lead to that man's death again. Unfortunately Ken learnt that secrets rarely stay hidden for very long.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He toed off his shoes and put away the dirty soccer-ball with a yawn. Those kids, even if there weren't as many as they used to be, always wore him out. Ken smiled a little and trotted upstairs. He so needed a shower and a little nap. To his surprise he found Aya sitting on his bed waiting for him. The brunette smiled and walked over for a kiss. 

Kissing that man was something Ken really enjoyed. It was pretty strange how Aya with his cold masks, frosty glare and icey tone could have such warm and soft lips. But this time he got no response from the redhead. Confused he glanced over his shoulder to check that the door was closed. It was so why didn't Aya answer the kiss? 

Ken bit his lip and felt the familier worry rise inside of him. That damn mission was tomorrow and the brunette had fought so hard not to think about it.

"We need to talk," the redhead said with his deep voice and avoided Ken's eyes. He did NOT like the sound of that.

"About what?" 

"I'm sorry Ken but I… I can't do this," Aya mumbled, the tone sounding sad, unsure or maybe tired? The brunette felt his heart beat with fear and he swallowed hard.

"Can't do what?" he asked even though he really didn't want to know. The redhead rose to his feet and walked over to the door.

"This." He gestured to Ken and himself. "Us. It's not gonna work out Ken. I'm sorry but it's over." Without looked at the brunette Aya left the room. Ken stared after him without really grasping what just had happened. Had the redhead just broken up with him? But Fate had said that they were suppose to be together, hadn't he? Ken sank down on the bed and hugged himself. How could everything had gone so wrong this time? Hadn't he done the right things?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was a subdued Siberian that watched his three team-mates go over the mission. Aya had been ignoring him the whole day and it hurt more than Ken could have imagined it would. He sighed sadly and fiddled with his gloves. Their relationship had been over before it had even started. How was that for complete failure? 

With sad eyes he looked at the redhead who seemed pretty much normal. His face callous, his eyes blank and his form straight. But something wasn't right. Every now and then Ken could see some sort of hurt in those amethyst eyes and he didn't really understand where it came from. It was after all Aya who had ended things.

"SIBERIAN!" The brunette winced and turned to Yoji. "Pay attention would you? What planet are you on?"

"Gomen, Balinese. What did you say?" The lanky blonde glared at him for a moment.

"Bombay just said that you and Abyssinian are gonna take out the targets on the fifth floor." It was all happening again and it made him sick to his stomach.

"Sure, whatever," he mumbled and glanced over at Aya. The redhead refused to even look at him. _What did I do wrong?_ Ken asked himself and sighed deeply. He just didn't get this. 

"Okay, let's go then," Yoji muttered. Aya started walking towards the stairs and the brunette reluctlantly followed him. Again they entered the corridor that Ken saw most nights in his nightmares. He shuddered and drew in a deep breath. Whatever it was that had gone wrong between him and the redhead he was not going to let it kill Aya again! They stopped at the same place as the other times. The brunette looked over to his team-mate and chewed on his lip. 

"What did I do wrong?" Ken froze. Damn had he just said that out loud? Aya had turned to him so obviously he had.

"What makes you think you did something wrong?" the redhead asked. Ken shook his head and smiled sadly.

"If I didn't then why are you ignoring me?" His question seemed to hit something within Aya since the taller man got a guilty expression in his bland face.

"Listen Ken… It's… not worth it." The brunette narrowed his eyes and felt anger rise inside of him. Not worth it?

"I meant that much to you huh? You just figured after barely two weeks that what we could have had wasn't worth your time, is that it?" He knew he sounded bitter but damnit he was bitter, and hurt.

"That's not what I meant!" Aya objected harshly and turned away.

"What did you mean then? Please enlighten me Aya because until you do I won't understand this." 

"Last week I went to pick you up at the soccer-field," the redhead mumbled, still not facing the brunette. "You lost several of the kids because of us. I knew you would Ken." Brown eyes blinks in confused.

"How did you know that?"

"You know how you thought something was wrong when we went to the restaurant?" Ken nodded even though Aya was still facing away from him. "I saw it in her eyes Ken, she was disturbed by seeing us together. Or even more so, she was disturbed to see you with another man." 

The brunette frowned deeply. Wasn't this something he should have said instead of the redhead? When things had turned difficult because of his relationship with Aya he had sought strength and comfort from the silent man, he had never had a single thought about ending what they had together. So why was the redhead doubting?

"So you're shamed of being with me?" Ken asked and made no attempt on hiding the disappointment and hurt in his voice.

"Siberain, Abyssinian, watch your backs I just saw several guards heading upstairs," Omi's voice whispered in their ears. Ken growled at the interruption.

"Copy that Bombay," he muttered and looked back at Aya who had swirled around at his question. 

"Of course not!" the redhead stated firmly and frowned. "How can you think that?"

"Because that's how it looks from where I'm standing Aya." 

"It's not like that at all Ken! But I saw how hurt you were when you found out that some of the parents didn't want their kids coached by you anymore. I saw how it affected you and it was my fault!" Ken's eyes widened. Aya had never seemed like someone who put the blame on himself like that. Carefully he moved closer to his friend and took his hand.

"No Aya it wasn't and isn't your fault that some people can't be open-minded. Yes it did hurt that they didn't see that I'm still the same person but I could handle that because I had you. I…" Ken swallowed and closed his eyes for a brief moment. This had to be said! "I love you Aya." The redhead stared at him with shock written all over his face. Ken eyes moved slightly to the right and caught the sight of the guards. "Shit the guards are here," he hissed and pulled the stunned redhead further into the shadows. As the armed men walked by the two assassins stayed pressed together. When they were alone again Ken let go of his hold and smiled to himself. They had made it! The guards where gone and Aya was still alive!

"I… You… I have to…" The brunette snapped around in time to see Aya walked away from him, looking scared and confused.

"No Aya the guards!" Ken yelled. He didn't bother to turn around he already knew that they were there. As fast as the could the brunette threw himself forward, pushed Aya out of the way and just barely managed to stay on his own two feet. 

As in slowmotion Ken turned around and looked at the two guards. It happened so fast and still it seemed like it took forever. The loud clatter, the flashes of light from the automatic weapons, the pain when the bullets hit his chest and stomach.

"NO!" He could actually hear Aya's scream over the sound and wondered if it had been the same for the redhead. The clatter stopped and the guards ran around the corner without looking back. Everything was numb to Ken. He felt no pain anymore, he didn't feel anything at all. Aya sank down beside him and carefully lifted his head up from the floor. Floor? Ken blinked slowly. When had he ended up on the floor?

"A… Aya?" he asked with confusion when he saw the tears in the redhead's eyes.

"Hold on Ken. Bombay! Balinese!" Aya barked over the line that connected them. "Siberian is down, get help fast!" 

"I… Too late," Ken whispered. He was slipping away. For a moment he wondered why he hadn't died right away like Aya had all those times? Of course, the redhead had interrupted the guards' shootings.

"No Ken just hang in there, help's on the way." Aya gently stroke away a few strand of chocolate hair from Ken's face. 

"Sorry," the brunette murmured and felt how his eyes drifted close. He knew he was dying and he didn't really mind. At least he had saved the redhead and that was all that mattered to him. "Love you, didn't mean to… die."

"NO KEN!" Aya yelled and shook him. "Please don't give up!" He forced his brown eyes open one more time and smiled. It wasn't the fate he had hoped for but at least it was a diffrent fate where Aya remained alive, unharmed. Ken's eyes closed again and he could feel how everything inside of him slowed down. "I love you too Ken," was the last thing he heard before everything just stopped.

~TBC?~

Ano… Ken no baka! This wasn't better was it? Hello we need both of you to survive darnit! *sighs* FATE!!! Another chance thank you!!! I think I'm morbid or something!! I kill ppl left and right in every damn fic but this one takes the cake *L* I've killed Aya five times and Ken two and a half (half because he was dying when Fate stepped in once).

Okay I know Ken is acting very diffrent from previous chapters but hey love gives you strength ne? And he has finally realized that he wants to fight for Aya. What I'm really trying to show everyone here is that Aya isn't as strong as Ken thinks/thought he is/was. And even more so he doesn't want to hurt Ken or inflict pain on him which he obviously thought he was doing because of that blasted Ishibashi-woman *hates her* 

And again thanks to Keeshe for letting me keep Darke *grins* He's one cute muse and he's good to *snorts at her other muse who's still on vaccation. She can make it a long one!* And there was angst in this chapter ne??? *hugs Keeshe*

I'll be honest this is one of the three diffrent endings I have lined up for this fic. Now should I leave it like this or do you want me to give Ken another chance? Lemme know 'kay? Ja/Atsureki 


	11. Ken, The Clairvoyant Assassin

Please Give Me Another Chance

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : I own diddly-dick that's all I'm gonna say 'bout it

Paring : Aya/Ken 

Warnings : OCC, Angst, Shonen-ai, Long extremely sucky chapter.

Notes : Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts or the strange little voice Ken hears in his head namely Fate. 

Chapter 11. Ken, The Clairvoyant Assassin

"Ken-kun!" His eyes snapped open. "Ken-kun! You're going to be late for your shift." Ken swallowed and shook his head. This couldn't be happening again! He had gotten it right the last time damnit. Okay so he had died but that didn't matter since Aya had been safe. "KEN-KUN!" Fate hadn't talked to him and if he had then Ken would have told that damn voice that he rather stay dead! The door to his room opened and Omi's head showed up. "Um Ken-kun?"

"I… I… I'll be down in a second," he stuttered and blinked. 

"Are you okay? You look pale," Omi mumbled and came closer. _Oh that's just because until you woke me up I was fucking dead! _Ken muttered inside.

"I just… eh… I'm fine." The little blonde gave him a strange look.

"Oh okay. I have to go, I'm late for school." The brunette mumbled something and was left alone. Now he had to go through it all again. Groaning he got up, took a shower, pulled on some clothes and headed to the kitchen. The fact that Fate had given him another chance must mean that he hadn't gotten it right but… But he had tried so hard this time and it wasn't like it was his fault that Aya was unsure, was it? 

He looked around and frowned slightly. Wasn't the redhead suppose to show up in the kitchen just after he got there? It took him a moment or two to understand why it was different this time. Omi had talked to him longer than usual so Aya must have already gone to the shop.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The day dragged on forever and Ken was grumpy, snappy and he had a hard time keeping himself away from Aya. He didn't want this, he didn't want to go through it all over again. What the hell was he suppose to do? 

He had tried to push Aya away, that hadn't worked. He had tried to lie to Aya, that hadn't worked. He had tried to be Aya's friend and nothing more, that hadn't worked. He had tried to avoid Aya, that hadn't worked. And he had tried to be honest and love Aya, that hadn't worked either so what the hell was he suppose to do? 

Ken growled to himself and cursed Fate, who he was sure was to blame for everything. What options did he have left? None. He got lost in his thoughts as he pondered his problem. Somehow he must have been on the right track the last time, right? So, that meant that he should confess his feelings for the redhead but then what? 

Aya was unsure, didn't want Ken to get hurt by them being a couple. There was nothing the brunette could do about that though. He couldn't very well make Aya not be unsure and he most certainly couldn't make the whole world less narrow minded and more tolerant. Ken huffed and banged his forehead against the desk. Life sucked! Annoyed, lost and longing after the redhead's touch he took a look around the shop. 

Girls everywhere, ogling, pointing and giggling. He snorted. Was it any wonder he prefered Aya to that? Hell he'd rather date a three headed cave-troll than anyone of those screaming, annoying, clingy girls. Pouting he moved his eyes from the females to the tall redhead who was trying to glare the girls into not swarming so much around him. 

__

See that's perfection, Ken mused to himself. _Aya doesn't giggle, thank God, and he doesn't swarm, cling, bounce or scream my name in a tone that could crack windows. Not that I would mind hearing him scream my name though…_ The brunette blushed. _Okay enough with the hentai stuff._

He shook his head and blinked a few times. _I do love him and I 'want' him but how the hell am I going to keep him alive… Not to mention not getting myself killed in order to do so?_

"BUY SOMETHING OR GET OUT!"Aya's hard icey voice boomed through the shop and sent the girls running. _I love those five words,_ Ken grinned inside. He ran a hand through his brown hair and went back to his problems. _Whoa hold everything!_ There was one thing he hadn't tried though, or actually two things. 

What if Aya didn't go on the mission? That had to keep him alive, right? But the odds of convincing the redhead to stay at home were just slightly better than getting a cow to climb a tree. Second thing he hadn't tried… What if he could get Omi and Yoji to change their plans. He knew that Aya didn't have anything to do with the team-ups during that mission so that should be possible to do. 

Feeling pretty damn good about himself he straightened up. Yoji should be in his room and so should Omi, be in Yoji's room that was. All he had to do was go there and beg them to change the plans. 

"Um Aya?" The redhead turned around and looked at him.

"Aa?" Ken almost forgot what he was about to say as he drowned in the amethyst gaze. _Oh dear Lord he is beautiful._ Aya cocked his head slightly and frowned. "Ken?" The brunette shook his head and smiled.

"Gomen. I just thought that I um might run upstairs and see if Yoji's up yet." 

"He is." Ken frowned. How did Aya know that? "I went up to get a sweater before and I…" The redhead's voice trailed off.

"And you heard him talking to Omi?" Ken suggested and smiled. So that was how Aya had found out about the two blondes.

"Aa."

"Does it bother you?" The redhead shook his head and got a strange look in his eyes. _So if it doesn't bother you than why did you insist on keeping our relationship a secret? _Ken asked in his head. "But you would prefer if they kept it to themselves?" Aya's eyes hardened but not before Ken caught a flicker of something that looked suspiciously close to longing.

"Hn." The brunette walked closer, unable to resist. He wanted to feel and taste Aya again. Sure the redhead didn't know that they felt the same but Ken did and it was pulling him towards the other man. He stopped just a step away from the tall redhead.

"Have you ever thought about it?" the brunette asked softly, teasingly.

"Th… thought about what?"

"Being with another man…" Ken tried to pull the brakes on himself but he couldn't. He just wanted to tease Aya a little. Couldn't be any harm in it, right? The redhead did have feelings for him after all. But when he looked into the violet eyes he knew he had done something wrong. Aya looked… scared. Quickly Ken pulled back and offered his friend a silly smile. "Gomen, I… um…" He was interrupted by the bell above the door. _Shit!_

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Still cursing his stupid actions Ken hurried up the stairs to catch Yoji and Omi before they headed for the shop. He knocked on the door knowing that they both would be in there.

"Yeah?" The door opened and an annoyed looking Yoji glared at him.

"We need to talk," Ken mumbled and pushed his way inside. "You and Omi have to help me with something." The smaller blonde was on the bed trying to be invisible under a blanket. "Um what are you doing Omi?" 

"I… We… It…" the youngest assassin studdered and helplessly searched out his lover's eyes.

"Oh come off it Omi! I already know, Aya knows too and we don't care," Ken muttered and waved his hand. He had bigger problems.

"You… Aya knows?" Yoji asked harshly and sank down next to the stunned Omi.

"Can we please forget about that right now?" the brunette pleaded and twisted his hands. "I think it's great that you two are together but please this is important."

"Eh okay… What's so important?" Omi finally managed to ask and sat up. For a moment Ken had to laugh.

"You're fully dressed Omi so why were you hiding under that blanket?"

"I just um…" The brunette waved his hand again.

"Never mind. Listen the mission we have in two weeks is bothering me. I can't explain this but do you think you could pair Aya up with one of you instead of with me?" Green and blue eyes stared at him for a long time.

"What mission?" 

"What do you mean what mission?!" Ken barked in frustration. "The one we have to do in two weeks! Manx told us about it…" He closed his mouth. _Oh crap!_

"When was Manx here? You know you could have told us that she was here," Omi complained and rose to his feet. "Did we get any folders or something?" Ken just stood there, frozen. They hadn't gotten the mission yet. Manx wouldn't show up for another week. How could he have forgotten that and how the hell was he suppose to get himself out of the mess he had just stepped in?

"Um eh… Nothing I just… Forget it," Ken stammered lamely and headed for the door. _Hidaka you are such an idiot!_

"Ken? You said we had a mission," Yoji muttered and stopped him. "Now when did Manx brief you and Aya about it?!" The brunette bit his lip.

"Manx hasn't… hasn't been here yet," he mumbled and damned himself for being so stupid. Now both Omi and Yoji probably thought he had gone insane.

"She hasn't been here yet? Then how do you know about the mission?" the smaller blonde asked. _Thanks Omi, just the question I was dying to answer,_ Ken growled in his head.

"I um don't know…"

"You know that we have a mission in two weeks, that Omi and I are going to decide who goes with who and yet Manx hasn't been here, hasn't said anything about this to anyone?" Yoji asked incredulously.

"Ha…. Hai?" Green eyes narrowed and glared at him. 

"What are you, clairvoyant?" Ken plastered a dumb grin on his face and desperately wanted to bang his head against something very hard.

"Something like that," he chuckled and fled.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The following week Ken was confused. For some reason Aya had never showed up in his room that night and Yoji and Omi were staring at him constantly, especially when Manx indeed showed up to brief them about the mission. He had really put his foot in his mouth this time. There was no way he could explain to them how he knew about the mission a week before they got it. 

But that was not the brunette's biggest problem by far. No what he couldn't stop thinking about was how Aya kept avoiding him. He just didn't get it. What had he done wrong this time? Surely it couldn't be the little teasing he had done in the shop? No matter how ridiculous it sounded to him it was the only explanation he could come up with. 

The more Ken thought about it the more sense it made. With his teasing he had either scared Aya or made it seem like he was mocking the redhead as if he knew about his feelings, which he of course did. Either way it sucked! The reason didn't really matter though. 

What did matter was the fact that he was going crazy without the redhead. He loved Aya and now he was kept from showing it. Time and time again he found himself staring at the silent man with longing pounding inside. 

But then again, maybe this meant that the redhead would be safe? His feelings for Aya could wait until after the mission so he probably shouldn't be so concerned about it. 

Unfocused he continued to water some of the plants not even noticing that he was getting more water on the floor than into the pots. He just had to convince his body and mind that they would get what they wanted later. Sounded easy enough but in reality it was so much harder.

"Ken-kun!" He snapped his head around and blinked. "Um I think the floor is wet enough now," Omi chuckled and pointed to the puddle of water.

"Shit! I'll clean that up," Ken growled and turned off the hose. Muttering to himself he headed for the back room to get the mop. He was just passing Yoji when a yelp startled him. In slowmotion he saw Aya slip on the water and dive head first to the floor. 

"FUCK!" Quickly he ran up to his friend. 

"You okay?"

"No," the redhead hissed and hugged his left wrist. Ken bit his lip. 

"Let me look at that," Omi said and carefully checked Aya's hand and wrist. "Um I think it's broken Aya-kun." The redhead gave Ken a nasty glare and slowly rose from the floor.

"I'm so sorry Aya," the brunette whispered with regret. He could have kicked himself for being so God damn stupid. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The corridor seemed empty without Aya there but Ken figured it was better this way. There was no way the redhead would die now and that made him grin widely. Sure Aya was pretty pissed at him since his wrist indeed had turned out to be broken but it was a price Ken was willing to pay. 

Still grinning the brunette hid in the shadows as the guards walked by. He waiting until he was sure they were all gone and then almost skipped down the corridor to finish the job. 

The two targets took some time but Ken felt so good about getting through the mission with Aya still alive that he didn't really notice. With a small wound on his shoulder he left the two dead bodies in the dark room and retracted his claws.

"The targets are destroyed," he smiled over the link and headed down stairs.

"Copy that Siberian. Balinese let's move out."

"Copy that Bombay." Ken turned left and drew in the chilly air outside. He had made it! It only took a moment before Omi and Yoji joined him.

"Any problems?" the little blonde asked when he saw the slash in Ken's jacket.

"Nah, it's only a scratch I'll be fine."

"Good then let's get home," Yoji said and yawned. The two blondes had just gotten into the car when Ken's phone rang. 

"Moshimoshi," he answered and picked up his helmet.

"Manx here." The brunette frowned slightly. What did she want? "Siberian there's been an accident." Ken froze and just stared at the phone in his hand.

"Ken?" Someone took it from his hand but the brunette didn't seem to notice. "Who's this?" It was quiet for a while. "Oh dear God."

"What's going on Yotan?" Ken blinked and focused on the taller blonde when Omi spoke.

"Aya's been in an accident."

"What? Where? How?"

"He went to see his sister since he had to stay at home tonight. They don't know what happened exaclty but somehow a car ended up on the wrong side of the street and hit Aya." Ken swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to hear this!

"Is he okay?" Yoji shook his head and handed the phone back.

"He… They couldn't… Aya's dead…" Omi let out a sob and threw himself into the taller blonde's arms while Ken just stared. He had thought everything would work out now, that everything was going to be fine. How the hell could this have happened? 

"Ken, you okay?" Empty brown eyes met green ones.

"No Yoji I'm not okay," he answered quietly, pushed the helmet down and got on his bike. "I killed him again." Ken started the motorcycle and within seconds he was roaring down the street, tears pouring down his cheeks.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ken's room was dark and quiet. Brown eyes, blood shot from crying, stared into nothing as low sobs and whimpers rocked a tired body. He just didn't understand how it could have gone so wrong this time too. The accident had been awful, Ken hadn't needed to see the site to understand that. 

Manx had been at the house when he had returned from driving his bike up and down the dark streets for hours. She told him what they knew. Aya had just left the hospital and had been about to cross a street when a car, going way too fast on the wrong side of the road, had hit him. 

The redhead had never had a chance as he had gotten smashed between the car and a lamp post, he had already been dead when the ambulance came. Ken drew in a shaky breath and hung his head. _It is not your fault._ He shook his head and just ignored the familier voice. _Listen to me Ken, not even I could predict that this would happen._

"And here I thought you knew everything," the brunette snorted with contempt. _It is not that easy, not when things change like it did here. Aya was not suppose to be anywhere else but at that warehouse, remember?_

"Then it is my fault, isn't it? I messed up again and he died!" _It was an accident Ken, you know accidents do happen. That car was suppose to hit that lamp post and no one should have gotten hurt except the driver but sometimes things change._

"But I'm the one who changed things! It's my fucking fault this time too!" Ken yelled and shook his head. "You should have stayed out of it when I died!" A low chuckle ran through the brunette's head. _Oh yes that would have been so much better, would it not?_

"YES it would!" _Ken who have you blamed every single time Aya has died so far?_

"Me of course!" he answered and wiped a tear from his cheek. _Yes, now think about that and answer me this question. Who do you think Aya blamed when you died?_ Ken swallowed. He hadn't even thought about the possibility that Aya had blamed himself for that. 

__

I told you that you can not save Aya, you can only try to change his fate, whish you will if you can get this right. It will not be easy to do but it can be done if you are willing to fight for it.

"But I…" _No! _Fate interrupted the brunette harshly. _No buts or maybes. You have two options right now Ken. I can either let this time-line continue or I can erase it and start a new one, it is up to you?_ Ken stayed quiet for a long time. _Well?_ The brunette drew a sharp breath and swallowed.

"Please, give me another chance."

~TBC~

Okay so I hate this chapter! *mutters with annoyance* I've had half of it done for ages but I just couldn't get it to sound good. Oh well there it is anyways. 

I want to explain one thing here though. The fact that Aya still died here had nothing to do with Ken but more to do with fate. As Fate said to Ken it was a simple accident. The driver wasn't suppose to kill anyone but Aya wasn't suppose to bet here either. This chapter is sorta here to show Ken that he can't run away from his 'problem'. Ja/Atsureki 


	12. A Slip Of The Tongue

Please Give Me Another Chance

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : I own diddly-dick that's all I'm gonna say 'bout it

Paring : Aya/Ken 

Warnings : OCC, Angst, Yaoi, Lime.

Notes : Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts or the strange little voice Ken hears in his head namely Fate. 

Don't like lime, lemon, sex, stuff like that? Um than watch yarself in this chapter. *nods* 

Sorry if this chapter doesn't make much sense but I'm still fighting a war with my muse so my writing isn't exactly making sense even to me. *deep sigh*

Chapter 12. A Slip Of The Tongue

Ken stared into his coffee, lost in thoughts. The morning had started like they always did and now he was just waiting for Aya to come into the kitchen and tell him that he was late. If only he knew what to do with this chance. 

A part of him was so scared that this might be the last one he got and that he would mess it up just like he had all the other times. That was more frightening than anything he had ever known before. It made his thoughts messy and he was losing his grip on reality.

"You're late." Ken glanced up at the redhead and sighed deeply. 

"I'm always late…" he said quietly and went back to staring into his cup.

"Are you alright?" With another sigh the brunette rose, turned his back to Aya and started walking towards the shop.

"No, I'm not alright, I don't think I'll ever be alright again." With those words he left the redhead alone in the kitchen.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The day moved along in snail pace, so damn slow Ken started to wonder if it wasn't going to go backwards instead of forward. He felt lost, so very lost and angry at the chaos in his brain. Growling he shoved a rose into an arrangement and pushed it away in disgust. 

__

Fuck all of this, the brunette thought bitterly. It was useless to wreck his mind over the whole Aya-situation since he knew he'd never get it right that way. 

"Ken…" He raised his head and blinked a few times.

"Yeah?" Aya was looking at him with… concern in his amethyst eyes. Well that was a strange look.

"What's wrong with you?" Ken licked his lips and shook his head.

"Everything? Nothing?" he suggested softly and pinched the bridge of his nose with two unsteady fingers. "Have you ever felt like you're caught in limbo? Like you have no fucking control over your own life?" He glanced at the redhead who was staring at him with a blank expression in his beautiful eyes.

"How do you mean?" Ken clenched his jaws together as his mind reeled.

"I'm going insane Aya," the brunette finally answered and let out a harsh laugh filled with sorrow. "Everything has changed and no one sees it because it's all in my head. I'm not even really here because I've died too many fucking times! I die and then I wake up the next day and it all starts over again. No wait! That's not true. I get you killed because I'm a pathetic fuck and then I wake up and it starts all over again. I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!" Everyone in the shop were staring at him now. He was really and truly losing it now.

"Ken I…" The brunette's eyes darted back and forth as if he was a caged animal, desperately looking for a way to escape.

"Don't stare at me like that," he mumbled and felt his heart thud against his ribs. "STOP STARING AT ME!" The girls stared harder and he just couldn't take it anymore. With a scream he grabbed the nearest vas and threw it against the wall. "STOP IT! Stop it! Stop it." He was sobbing now, hugging himself in a useless attempt to hide from the eyes that followed his every movement.

"Ken." Aya's voice was soft, concerned, caring. "Come on let's go upstairs." Ken flinched as the redhead placed a hand on his shoulder.

"NO! I don't want to hear it Aya! I can't do this again, please. Don't make me do this again." 

"Don't make you do what Ken?" The brunette blinked away the tears that flooded his eyes.

"Love you…. Don't make me love you again when I only lose you. I can't Aya, I can't lose you again, please don't make me go through it one more time. It's killing me inside!" Scared, confused and tired Ken flung himself against the redhead and buried his face in the taller man's shirt.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He couldn't remember when or how Aya had gotten him out of the shop and upstairs. All he knew was that he had freaked and now he was wrapped around the redhead, clinging to him for dear life. Aya didn't touch him but he didn't try to get away either, which Ken was grateful for. 

All he wanted was to feel his team-mate, hear his heartbeat and smell him. It felt safe and it put his mind at ease. He was in love with Aya but he had had more 'time' than the other man so he didn't know how far he could push it. 

The only thing Ken knew was that he needed to do something to show the redhead that he had faith in them, that he loved Aya. Timidly the brunette looked up and his eyes landed on the lips he knew were soft, warm and tasted so sweet. What if he stole a kiss? Just one little kiss. 

"Ken?" The deep voice was hushed and sounded a little unsure. Ken didn't answer he just kept on staring. He had to taste Aya again, he couldn't go a second longer without it! Too fast for the redhead to react he pulled himself up and softly brushed his lips over Aya's. 

His older team-mate froze but he didn't pull away. Ken leaned in for more and turned the gentle caress into a kiss. His eyes closed and his body pressed itself against Aya's on its own accord. This was what he wanted, what he needed in order to regain the sanity that was slipping through his fingers. 

With a soft moan the brunette deepened the kiss, demanded more. Ken could feel Aya hesitating but he couldn't help himself anymore. He had moved closer during the kisses and was almost sitting on the redhead's lap with his arms tightly wrapped around his neck to keep the other man in place. 

If he could he would have crawled inside Aya's skin. Another moan left his lips as he pushed his hands underneath the redhead's sweater. Hands held him back and put a few inches between them, inches that Ken couldn't stand.

"Ken what are you doing?" Aya asked in confusion and gave him a look that borded on scared.

"I just… Just please let me… Don't…" He couldn't answer, didn't even know what the answer was. 

"I…" Aya was a man of few words but at the moment he was talking way too much! 

"Shut up," Ken growled and claimed the redhead's lips again, making it impossible for Aya to say anything more. 

Without breaking the demanding kiss the brunette moved and stradled his friend's legs. He was nervous but this was what he needed, what he had to get in order to hang on to what little sanity he had left. 

Words would probably have been better but Ken couldn't reach them so he had to settle with showing what he felt inside instead. Before Aya knew what was going on he had lost his sweater and was being pushed down on the bed still with Ken sitting on him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He was moving too fast but his body was on fire and his mind useless. His mouth was devouring Aya's skin and his senses filled up with the smell that was all Aya. Trembling hands fumbled with buttons and worked desperately to remove what stood in their way. 

The redhead had stopped struggling and was just staring at him in shook but Ken didn't notice. He had to concentrate if he was going to get this right since he didn't really have a clue of what he was doing at all. A tiny part of his brain that still worked informed him that they were both men so chanses were that whatever he liked Aya would like too. 

So what did he like? Ken closed his eyes tightly and concentrated even harder. It would have been so much easier if he hadn't been a virgin but he would damn well work with what he knew, which wasn't much. Thank God Yoji was more than willing to brag about his experiences. 

Actual sex was a bit out of Ken's league, there had to be something a little less complicated than that. His mouth moved down Aya's chest on its own accord as he tried to figure out what the hell he was going to do. When Ken's hand came into contact with something hard and the body underneath him jerked he made up his mind. It wouldn't be very good but it would have to do. 

Nervous and fidgety fingers wrapped themselves around an unfamilier erection and tentatively stroke it once. That couldn't have been too bad judging by the moan that Aya choked out. Ken tried again and got the same result. Brown eyes shifted to look at what their owner was doing. 

The brunette swallowed. Aya was big, bigger than him, but other than that they looked pretty much the same, only it didn't feel anything like him. In fascination Ken stared at his own hand working up and down the redhead's erection. 

Even though he was quite sure that Aya was enjoying this it wasn't enough, it wouldn't prove his point well enough. The brunette took a few deep breaths before he moved himself further down. 

For a moment he hesitated, not sure if he could do it but his mind chose that exact time to show him a flash of Aya's body trashing back and forth as bullets tore away at it. That did it! If this was what it took to stop the nightmares, the insanity of his life than to hell with everything! 

It felt weird, tasted strange but it wasn't really unpleasent. He obviously shocked the hell out of the redhead who jerked violently and yelped in surprise. Ken ignored it and concentrated on the task before him. 

What had Yoji told him about this? No teeth, don't choke and it's not very attractive to throw up. Sounded easy enough. The brunette covered his teeth with his lips and carefully eased about an inch of Aya inside his mouth. 

Ken couldn't help thinking that this should disgust him, that it should be repulsive but instead he had to admit that he actually like it, sort of. Yes it was difficult, he was working on instinct and he had no idea of how good it was but in all honesty he wouldn't mind doing it again. 

Aya was smooth and the hardness strangely soft to the touch. Ken lowered his head more and tensed his muscles when his gag reflex kicked in. 

How the hell was he suppose to work around that? It would take practise but right then he'd have to make due with using his hand on what he couldn't fit in his mouth. With that problem solved he only had to concentrate on keeping his teeth out of the way and Aya from bucking up from the bed. 

He thought it would be over faster but it took time and he still wasn't ready when the redhead's whole body suddenly convulsed under his hand. Ken hadn't really thought about what he was going to do when Aya reached climax but staying in that position turned out to not be such a good idea. 

Choking, coughing and just barely containing himself from spitting wildly the brunette rode out his friend's orgasm. Aya's breathing was ragged and his amethyst eyes unfocused and dazed. Ken quickly wiped his mouth with his sweater and backed away. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The room was quiet for a long time and Ken remained sitting between the redhead's legs on the floor. What the hell had he done?! _You just blew your friend,_ a cheerful voice snickered inside his head and Ken winced. Yeah it wasn't like he had forgotten that part. 

Only now he wasn't so sure it had been a good thing to do and he didn't know what to do or say next. Lost in his thoughts he never noticed when Aya sat up. He was snapped out of it when a leg brushed against his shoulder as the redhead rose to his feet. Brown eyes meet amethyst for a brief moment before Aya pulled on his pants and moved around Ken.

"I… I…" A glare stopped his stammering. There was something in the redhead's eyes that shouldn't be there. Sadness. Ken didn't understand that. Why did Aya look sad, almost disappointed? Had he really been that bad?

"Thank you," the redhead said, his voice frosty and empty. Ken blinked. _Thank you?_ Without another word Aya stalked out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. 

Oh God what had he done?! But it had seemed like a good idea before so how could it have gone so wrong? Ken curled up against his bed and hugged himself, still tasting Aya in his mouth.

~TBC~

Um so yeah poor Ken is losing his marbles! Now what is he gonna do? 

Aya should have stayed to find out why he did that ne? Let's hope Ken gets a chance to explain before the mission. Ja/Atsureki 


	13. Explanations Gone Wrong

Please Give Me Another Chance

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : I just blew way too much money buying stuff over the internet. The Weiss guys weren't among those things though! Please don't sue me because I am once again broke *argh*

Paring : Aya/Ken 

Warnings : OCC, Angst, Yaoi.

Notes : Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts or the strange little voice Ken hears in his head namely Fate. 

Chapter 13. Explanations Gone Wrong

Ken spent the rest of the day and night sitting on the floor only shifting once in a while when his body complained too much. He had done something wrong and he would have to fix it, but how? The look in Aya's eyes just wouldn't leave him alone. Maybe the redhead had thought that it was just some desperate act of gratitude? Well that he could fix. 

One good thing had come out of his actions though. Ken closed his eyes. There were no doubts that he wasn't straight anymore. He was pretty sure that straight guys didn't enjoy… doing that, hell he knew for a fact that straight guys didn't do that period! 

His thoughts drifted back to the real problem. During all his tries on the same two weeks he had learnt a few things about Aya. The silent man wasn't as confident as he appeared, he tended to pull away when he got insecure or frightened and he would go to great lengths not to hurt those he cared about. Aya was a complicated person, much more so than Ken had ever realized before. 

Behind that cold mask was a whole other man, a man Ken had fallen in love with even though he hadn't really understood it at first. The question was, could he reach the man behind the assassin, would that man even let him in? He didn't know but he would have to try. 

When the grey morning light started sneaking into the room Ken finally stumbled to his feet. His limbs ached from sitting curled up for so long but he ignored it. Silently he left his room and headed to Aya's door. It was too early for anyone to be up so instead of knocking he just slunk into the redhead's room. 

A still form, partially hidden by the shadows, slept on the bed and Ken's heart called out to it. He remembered the times when he and Aya had curled up on the sofa downstairs, how he had fallen asleep with those slender arms wrapped around him. Moving, almost on automatic, Ken approached the bed and slid in next to the redhead. 

His mind felt so hazy and confused but Aya turned out to be a bigger comfort than the brunette had hoped. With a sigh he reached out and pulled Ken's body against his. 

"Ken," the redhead murmured and buried his face in soft chocolate hair, seeming completely contented with having him there. The brunette squeezed his eyes shut to stop tears from falling. 

This was what he wanted, the only thing he wanted. Carefully he shifted slightly and pressed himself even closer, wrapping his arms around Aya's waist. He didn't plan on falling asleep but the blanket of safety and peace that covered his body and mind lured him away from being awake without him noticing.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Ken woke up he was alone and in his own bed. Confused he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and frowned. He was certain that he had fallen asleep in Aya's bed so how the hell had he ended up in his own room? A glance at the time told him that he had been sleep for a long time, it was well past noon and no one had bothered waking him up. 

Ken stretched and got up, changed his clothes and trotted down the stairs. The kitchen was empty, which wasn't a surprise really. Omi was at school, Yoji was probably still asleep and Aya… well Aya should be in the shop. Sighing heavily the brunette headed there. 

The place was pretty empty and the pale redhead was busy helping an older woman pick out some flowers. For the briefest of moments amethyst eyes look at him, showing nothing, before they turned back to their task. 

"Fuck," Ken grumbled to himself. Aya was clearly still pissed off and it would be hours before he would get the chance to explain himself. Waiting was not the brunette's thing but this time he would have to endure it. Pushing Aya was never a good thing to do and Ken feared that if he tried the complicated redhead would shove him away, refusing to ever listen to him again. 

When Yoji showed up, 20 minutes before closing time, Ken's nerves were on edge. If he didn't get to talk to the redhead soon he was going to snap, he had just barely kept himself from repeating the previous days freak out.

"Ken-kun you're killing that rose," a perky voice suddenly said and the brunette almost jumped out of his skin.

"Gomen," he mumbled and dropped the maltreated flower. 

"You okay?" Omi cocked his head to the left and watched his friend with concerned eyes. Ken shrugged and picked up another rose, carefully stripping away its thorns. "Yoji-kun and I are gonna close the shop so why don't you head out?" The brunette raised his head and looked around. Aya was gone.

"Fuck! Where did he go?" Omi frowned and glanced over his shoulder.

"He who?"

"Aya," Ken muttered and cursed again when a thorn dug into his hand.

"He went up to his room ten minutes ago." The brunette just nodded and left his friend staring at his disappearing back. He wasn't about to let Aya get away that easily. They needed to talk, badly. Without knocking, again, he burst into the redhead's room and stopped dead in his tracks. In the middle of the room stood Aya, buck naked with a towel in his hand.

"Ken?" he asked with a small scowl on his face as he tried to cover up his nudity. 

"Sorry I didn't… You're… I just… It… Sorry," Ken stuttered while his eyes took in the glorious sight. Aya was a beautiful man with clothes on, without them he was simply breathtaking.

"Do you mind?!" the redhead snapped with anger and nodded towards the door. Ken blinked a few times before he turned around and pushed the door shut. "Damnit Ken!" He swirled around at the harsh words and stared in confusion, not quite sure what he had done wrong now. "Get out!"

"No, we need to talk." Aya's eyes turned cold and dark and he wrapped the towel around his waist.

"There's nothing to talk about!" Ken sighed. This wasn't going to be easy and it sure as hell wasn't going to help that the object of his affections was standing there in nothing but a skimpy towel.

"You're angry with me," the brunette stated softly and took a step forward. To his surprise Aya backed away from him with a wary look in his formely so cold eyes. For a moment his hands fluttered infront of him before they settled on holding the towel in place. "Yesteday, I didn't mean to… I… I want you." Ken kicked himself. Damn, that was not what he wanted to say.

"You… What?" 

"I… I'm attrackted to you." _Nice going Hidaka you raving moron!_ Something flickered in the redhead's eyes before they turned cold again.

"Aa and so you just decided to take what you wanted? Without asking me?" 

"No I never meant to do that, I was just… You helped me and…"

"And what? You wanted to thank me by… by… doing that?!" Aya spat out and bore his amethyst gaze into Ken's. "Get out Ken!"

"But Aya I…" 

"NOW!" Ken's shoulders slumped and his eyes fell away from the redhead's angry face, they landed on something much more interesting. He blinked a few times before his brain could fully understand what he was staring at. The towel didn't really hide anything so it wasn't like he could actually miss the fact that Aya, while angry, maybe even humiliated and offended, was sporting an erection.

"Aya…" Ken tried again. Before he could continue a slightly shaky hand had grabbed his shoulder and shoved him against the door.

"Get the hell out!" Aya barked, his voice so low and sounding so strange that Ken didn't dare to stay. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Aya hadn't said a word to him in almost two weeks, not a single word. Every time he tried to approached the redhead he was pushed away. Ken sighed deeply and glanced at the silent man who was staring at nothing. Aya was scared, unsure and confused, Ken could see it in his eyes but didn't know what to do, how to explain. 

"Siberian!" The brunette jumped and turned towards Yoji. "Would you listen! What planet are you on anyway?!" the tall blonde growled at him.

"Gomen, gomen."

"You're gonna head up to the fifth floor and take ot the target while Bombay and I take care of the guards." Ken wasn't listening because he had already heard this way too many times. "SIBERIAN!"

"What?" the brunette asked with frustration and looked up again.

"Don't just fucking stand there, get moving!" Ken sighed deeply and in the corner of his eye he saw Aya moving towards the stairs. He followed even though he didn't want to. And there was the corridor again. If he ever got through this fucking mission with Aya and himself still alive he was going to flatten the damn building! 

Just as every other time they stopped at the same place and Ken just waited for Omi to warn them about the guards that would kill one of them or both. He had to try one last time to explain himself before that happened!

"Aya?" he asked softly and saw how the redhead's shoulders tensed even more.

"Hn." 

"I'm sorry." Aya turned his head a little and gave him a hard, somewhat confused, look.

"About what?"

"I… I know I shouldn't have… done what I did but…" God, this was so hard to explain.

"But what?!" Aya snapped and faced him completely. "Please do tell me what made you do that!" Ken felt his temper heat up. Okay so he had made a mistake but Aya didn't have to be so pissy about it!

"If you just shut up long enough for me to finish you'd know! Jesus! Would it kill you to just stay put and listen?! I'm in love with you okay? That's why did it. I just wanted to… show it and I know it wasn't the most briliant way but I was scared! I always fuck it up and it was just too much and I was going insane and…"

"Siberain, Abyssinian, watch your backs I just saw several guards heading upstairs," Omi's voice whispered in their ears. 

"Fuck!" Had Omi always had such bad timing? "Copy that Bombay," Ken growled with annoyance and the link became quiet again. "Listen Aya I just…" His words seemed to get stuck in his throat when he again looked up into the redhead's face. Aya's eyes were large and looked so lost.

"Don't… I can't… You? Why?" Ken swallowed and just wanted to go home. If it was one thing he hated it was when Aya started stuttering and sounding all confused and messed up. Nothing good ever came from that.

"I love you," Ken almost whispered, desperate to convince his friend that he was telling the truth. Omi wasn't the only one with shitty timing though, the herd of guards were just as bad. Brown eyes spotted them and Ken cursed underneath his breath. "The guards, we better hide." Aya nodded dumbly and took a step into the shadows. Like all the other times it only took a few minutes before the guards had disappeared around the next corner. Ken grabbed Aya's arm to keep him from stepping out too soon.

"Let go of me!"

"Shut up the guards aren't…" the brunette started and nodded in the direction of the guards just to see two of them coming back. Aya pulled himself free and back away. "Aya no! The guards!" 

It felt like he had seen this a million times, but he would never get used to it. The two men standing there, both with their guns raised and aimed at the redhead's unprotected body. And then the earshattering clatter echoed through the corridor just like so many times before and Ken fell backwards against the wall screaming Aya's name. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He never knew how much time passed between the first shot and when he was by Aya's side. Ken had dropped down beside the fallen assasin and hugged the still warm body to his as he cried. Why couldn't he get it right? Why did Aya have to react the way he always did? Why was life so unfair? 

"Siberian, Abyssinian? What's going on I heard guns." Sobbing Ken responded to Omi's concerned question.

"Aya's… been shot. I couldn't save him this time either, I never can," the brunetted cried and rocked back and forth.

"Siberian? Ken? What…" Ken hugged Aya tighter and cried his heart out. If Fate gave him another chance he was going to handle this differently because he would NOT lose Aya again! If it was the last thing he ever did he was going to get this right!

~TBC~

I feel so sorry for Ken and for Aya too. Now I know some of you might thing Aya's acting weird since he was the one who usually approached Ken with his feelings but… Aya is, as far as I'm concerned, a guy who wants to be in control of things and he isn't now. First, Ken surprise him with a blow job and then with a confession of love out of nowhere as far as Aya knows. I'm pretty sure that would freak me out too *nods* 

And about Aya's um 'little' problem when Ken tried to talk to him in his room. I just pictured him thinking about what Ken did to him and voila… Ja/Atsureki 


	14. From The Heart

Please Give Me Another Chance

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers: They are mine I tell ya! MINE!! *insane laughter* *coughs* Um okay so maybe not but please don't rain on my parade!

Paring: Aya/Ken 

Warnings: OCC, Angst, Yaoi.

Notes: Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts or the strange little voice Ken hears in his head namely Fate. That is if ff.net is feeling up to actually showing the darn italics! *grumbles*

Chapter 14. From The Heart

"Ken-kun!" Ken sat straight up in his bed and blinked twice. "Ken-kun! You're going to be late for your shift." The brunette shook his head and almost fell on the floor as he hurried up, missing the fact that his legs were entangled in the sheets.

"Omi!" The door opened and a blond head appeared.

"Hai?"

"I need to talk to you," Ken muttered as he ran a hand through is messy hair. "I need to talk to all of you."

"Um okay," Omi frowned, confusion and curiosity in his large eyes. "Now?"

"No, at lunch. Could you make sure Yoji is up and about?"

"Hai Ken-kun," the little blonde smiled brightly and checked the time.

"We're both late! Should I tell Aya-kun too?"

"Nah, I'll do that." Omi nodded and then headed down the stairs. Ken rubbed the sleep from his eyes and went to take a shower. He didn't have a clear grip on how he was supposed to do this but it wasn't like he could fail any worse than he already had, right? Drying himself off he pulled on some clothes and hurried down to the kitchen.

"You're late." The deep voice caused him to jump even though he had been waiting for it.

"Sorry Aya, I overslept."

"Hn."

"I need to talk to you." The redhead observed him, a flash of curiosity flickering in his impassive eyes.

"About what?"

"Not now, I need to talk to all of you, at lunch?" Aya nodded. "Well, it's time for us to face the girls." Aya scowled darkly at him and Ken chuckled. 

"Oh joy," the taller man huffed with sarcasm and made a face.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Lunchtime found Ken in a nervous state. He had already been scolded twice from messing up sales and there was a sad pile of mauled sunflowers on the floor. With a frustrated huff the brunette glared at a girl who was prattling on about something or other.

"Ne, Ken-san?" she asked.

"Nani?" She frowned at him and her bright eyes looked hurt.

"You're not even paying attention," she accused him.

"Gomen, I just have a lot to do," he muttered and pushed an arrangement to the side.

"We're closing for lunch!" a hard deep voice suddenly snapped. Ken glanced to the right and almost grinned at the disliking glare the girl was receiving from amethyst eyes. She scrambled towards the door with her pigtails bouncing. Aya kept glaring after her and then flipped the sign on the door from Open to Close. The brunette wiped his hands, took of his apron and followed his friend to the kitchen.

"So Kenken why am I up at this ungodly hour?" a very unhappy looking Yoji growled when they were all seated.

"Um…" Yoji sighed deeply and poked his rice.

"And that means?"

"Give me a moment!" Ken snapped and glared at his teammate. "This is kind or hard for me."

"Let him talk Kudou!" Aya muttered and efficiently continued to clean his bowl all while watching Ken squirm.

"I have something to tell you and I… I…" The brunette fiddled with his chopsticks and cleared his throat. 

"What's wrong Ken-kun?" Large blue eyes met his with concern in them.

"Nothing's wrong I just… Well you see I'm… not… It's…" Frustrated Ken took a deep breath and plunged ahead. "I'm gay."

"Well fuck me," Yoji blurted out and blinked in surprise. Ken gave him a lopsided grin.

"I said gay, not insane." Omi chuckled and shook his head. 

"I'm glad you told us," the little blonde nodded and patted his hand. Ken smiled slightly and set his brown gaze at the fourth man at the table. Aya was… staring at him with shock written all over his pale face.

"A… Aya?" Ken swallowed thickly. _Please don't let him freak out!_ he begged inside. Aya seemed to shake himself out of his stupor and for the briefest of moments the brunette could have sworn his callous friend smiled.

"Aa?"

"Are you… okay with that?" Ken asked timidly.

"Hai." _Thank God,_ the brunette sighed inside. Five seconds later Yoji was bombarding him with nosy questions about his sex life and the conversation pretty much went downhill from there. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Ken had finished his shift in the shop and spent about an hour freaking out in his room he forced himself towards the redhead's door. During his many reruns of the same two weeks Ken had learnt a lot about how Aya worked, or in some cases didn't work. Pushing him was out the question, so was 'ambushing' him with things he felt uncertain about, like being pursued by the brunette. 

With that in mind it was no wonder that Ken was fretting for all he was worth when he knocked on the redhead's door. If he presented his feelings, hopes and intentions wrong the complicated man would freak without a doubt, which of course meant he'd kick Ken out and then make practice of his skills in avoiding his fellow assassin. Lost in thoughts the brunette failed to notice that the door had opened and that he was being watched by eyes that held several emotions they usually lacked. There was deep affection in them, friendship, hope and trust but also fear, uncertainty and a shadow of foreboding. 

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, Ken missed all that since he was too busy trying not to freak out yet again. Aya's face was eventually cleared and returned to its normal callous mask.

"Hidaka!" Ken jumped and just barely avoided to let out a squeak of surprise.

"Gomen, gomen, I spaced out there for a moment," he said sheepishly and rubbed his neck. "May I talk to you for a moment?" A curt nod was the only reply as the redhead stepped aside to let him in. Ken made sure Aya's bed didn't come into sight and stopped in the middle of the room, back towards the tempting piece of furniture.

"Well?" the redhead asked impatiently.

"Anou… I'm not sure how to…" Ken tried and sighed deeply. _Hidaka you baka!_ Why did he always have to get so damn tongue-tied when Aya was around? _Because I'm afraid I'll fuck it up again, that's why,_ he answered his own question and sighed again.

"Ken?" The brunette looked up at Aya's slightly hesitant voice.

"Hai. I'm just nervous. What I told you in the kitchen before…" Ken tried and got a slow nod for the redhead. "Well I have something else to tell you."

"Something else? Like what?" Aya asked impassively and crossed his arms.

"I… The reason I know I'm uh…" This was not going the way Ken had wanted it to. It had been easier if he could just blurt it out but he didn't dare to, too afraid that Aya would react badly. "You… I'm…" Defeated and two steps from starting to bawl like a little kid Ken sank down on a chair and hid his face in his hands. 

"Ken?" His name was said softly and then a hesitant hand started to pet his shoulder. The brunette was tense, nervous and afraid so his heart bypassed the jumble in his brain and did what it felt it needed. With a shaky breath Ken wrapped his arms around Aya's narrow waist and hung on for dear life. A part of him expected the redhead to freak out but instead an unsteady hand ran through his hair. "What's wrong?" 

"I just wanted to explain this without shoving my foot in my mouth but I'm such a blubbering baka," Ken mumbled, his words muffled by Aya's shirt.

"Explain what?"

"That I have… well… feelings for you and I just don't know how to tell you without scaring you off or something. You pretty damn hard to talk to you know," Ken muttered, a hint of accusation in his voice. The redhead's hand stopped moving and his body froze. _Fuck!_ Ken thought miserably, certain he had messed it up again.

"You… You… What?" _No he's not freaked, he's… shocked._ Shocked Ken could handle, shocked was way better than freaked.

"Yeah, I'm like, falling in love with you," the brunette admitted softly. That wasn't entirely true since he had fallen for Aya weeks ago, but it didn't really matter at the moment. "I wanted to uh… ask you out but…" 

"You want to go out with me?" Ken looked up and nodded. "I… Uh… O-okay." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It did come in handy to know things others didn't. Their date had gone smoothly and Ken had made sure to stay clear of that damn Ishibashi-woman, or anyone else who might give Aya the impression that a future relationship between them wouldn't be a good idea. After dinner the brunette suggested a walk and a pretty relaxed Aya agreed. Even though Ken had seen it before it still tended to slightly stun him how different the emotionless redhead could be. 

It was dark, the street they were walking on empty and when he reached for Aya's hand he met no resistance. But even though everything had gone perfect Ken had almost two weeks where he would have to be on the constant lookout for traps and blunders. In the past it had taken so little to mess everything up, just one tiny little mistake on his behalf and death to either Aya or him or both. Ken shuddered and felt his heart skip a couple of beats when the redhead pulled him closer, almost tucking him inside his own coat.

"Thanks," he murmured and glanced at Aya's face. A soft smile graced the redhead's thin lips and his eyes held a spark of tenderness in them.

"It's chilly," he declared and held Ken a little tighter, as if he was worried the brunette would pull away. They were almost back at the car and had it not been rather late Ken would have steered Aya for another round. Oh well all good things had to come to an end and if he was lucky and the redhead felt brave he might even get himself a kiss back at the house. The drive past by in silence, but it was a comfortable silence. Every now and then Ken caught Aya looking at him with wonder in his beautiful eyes. 

When the car was parked safely in the garage neither one of the two men seemed to be in any hurry to get out. For a long time they just stared at each other, almost like they were challenging the other to make a move. Ken held back, not sure if an advance on his part would bring him something he craved or send him crashing and burning. After what felt like a lifetime Aya finally seemed confident enough to move forward. A hesitant hand reached out and pulled the brunette's face close, their breaths mingling, eyes locked and noses almost touching.

"I…" Aya whispered and his amethyst gaze flickered down to Ken's mouth. The shorter man nodded, understanding the unspoken question. Thin lips ghosted a caress across his and Ken tried to calm his thumping heart. Slowly he raised his left hand and tangled his fingers in Aya's coat. The next meeting of lips were a kiss, soft, questioning but there was hunger and need lurking beneath the surface. 

A soft moan escaped the brunette as the kiss deepened slightly and his eyes fluttered close. Aya tasted just as sweet and strangely spicy as he had remembered. When they broke apart they stayed pressed together, chest to chest, nose to nose. Feeling the weight of his responsibilities Ken sighed deeply and buried his face against the redhead's neck. 

_Please God, let us get through this alive_, he begged, contented to just sit there with Aya's scent in his nose and the warmth of his body bleeding into his own. 

~TBC~

I'm sorry if it's boring and stuff by my muse is laughing at me and throwing jellybeans at me. *sniffles* Oh well here it is anyways and no matter what anyone else thinks I find this chapter sweet and uh yeah well *sighs in defeat* Ja/Atsureki 


	15. Back And Forth

Please Give Me Another Chance

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers: They're all mine and I'm making tons of money… NOT!

Paring: Aya/Ken

Warnings: OCC, Angst, Yaoi.

Notes: Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts or the strange little voice Ken hears in his head namely Fate. That is if is feeling up to actually showing the darn italics/grumbles/

I have no real excuse for the extremely long periods of time between updates, life's just busy and school too and then the writer's block and I'm lazy and stuff…

Chapter 15. Back And Forth

Ken watched Aya glare at a group of girls and smiled. 20 minutes earlier the redhead had cornered Ken in the backroom and kissed the hell out of him. If the girls only knew.

"And just who are you daydreaming about Kenken?" an amused voice suddenly whispered in his ear.

"Yoji!" Ken cried out as his heart made a very valiant attempt at crawling out through his mouth.

"That's 'cause I'm irresistible," the blonde gloated and Ken smacked his arm with a growl.

"I didn't mean I was… Oh shut up!" Yoji cackled manically and sauntered over to the herd of squealing girls. "Crazy old pervert," the brunet grumbled testily and glanced at the time. He was ready to have a break from the shop and eat something and, if he was lucky, make out with Aya. It was almost 12 and Omi was still in school and Yoji would spend at least 15 minutes or so outside smoking.

He had barely finished that thought when Aya's deep voice declared that they were closing for lunch and that the girls could come back later. Ken bolted for the kitchen to set the table. In his eagerness he practically threw the bowls on the table and silently thanked Yoji for starting the rice cooker earlier. As it was now it was done and just waiting along with the meat and sauce Aya had prepared the night before. The brunet heard the oven ping just as Yoji and Aya joined him.

"Hungry?" the blonde asked with one eyebrow raised at Ken who burned his fingers as he grabbed the hot plate from the microwave.

"Uh yeah," the brunet muttered and got a knowing look from Aya who gracefully sank down on his chair. He seemed to know exactly why Ken was in such a hurry and when the brunet sat down next to him he placed a warm hand on his knee. Ken widened his eyes and blushed as his lover proceeded to stroke up his thigh in a way that could only be described as mischievously. With a shaky hand Ken grabbed his chopsticks and tried, rather unsuccessfully, to transport food all the way to his mouth. It seemed to amuse Aya to no end

"Did you develop Parkinson's or something?" Yoji asked and watched with interest how his teammate dropped his chopsticks and a piece of meat left a trail of sauce down the front of his shirt and into his lap.

"No, I just, um…" Ken snapped his mouth shut because what was he supposed to answer? Aya offered no help; he didn't remove his travelling hand either and his actions perplexed the brunet. Keeping their relationship hidden had always been Aya's idea and now all the sudden he was playing with fire, carelessly flirting and touching right in front of Yoji.

"Don't worry about it Kenken," the blonde said sweetly, "I'll buy you bib later." Brown eyes glared at him.

"Fuck you!"

"Is that a suggestion or an invitation?" Yoji countered, his voice silky and flirty.

"Kudou," Aya warned firmly and finally withdrew his hand.

"You are no fun," the blonde muttered and rose. "I'm going out for a smoke." Ken quickly shovelled the remaining food into his mouth and swallowed without really chewing. There, Yoji was gone, Aya was done and Ken was done and now he just had to get to the kissing part, perhaps even a little groping. Aya rose and started clearing the table, his face calm and unbothered.

"Aya," Ken whined and the redhead looked at him questioningly.

"Aa?" he answered blandly and Ken really wanted to smack him… or pounce on him, whichever got him to the making out the fastest. With the grace he had lacked earlier the brunet shot up from his chair and in a second he had Aya pinned against the sink, still with bowls in his hands. Amethyst eyes looked a little surprised at first but then they turned smouldering.

"You're teasing me," Ken growled accusingly as his body trembled slightly.

"I am," the redhead admitted unashamed and deposited the bowls. With a swift move he switched their positions and buried his slim fingers in Ken's hair. "What are you going to do about it?" He didn't wait for an answer, just tilted his face down and covered the brunet's mouth with his own.

/&/

Yoji was staring at him, green eyes curiously following him around the shop. It was not only making Ken uncomfortable but also more than a little self-conscious. He was starting to wonder if he had something stuck in his teeth but quickly dismissed that thought. Nothing could have remained there after Aya practically sucked his tonsils right out from his mouth. His fly wasn't open, he had changed his stained shirt and he was pretty damn sure he hadn't grown a second, or should that be third, head since lunch.

He settled for glaring at the lanky blond and didn't stop until Omi showed up two hours later. The two blonds took over the store and Ken headed for the kitchen in search of water and food. When he started rummaging through the fridge his mind was focused on something to snack on. Just as he reached for a box of Chinese take out from two days ago a pair of arms suddenly snaked around his waist. Ken let out a yelp and almost whacked his head on one of the shelves.

"Gomen," a deep voice whispered and he could feel Aya's ear tails tickle his neck. Ken grinned to himself and carefully backed up. Aya turned him around and kicked the fridge's door closed before he pressed the shorter man against it. Moments later they were engaged in a serious kissing session that soon involved hands fumbling around to find skin to touch.

Ken's mind was a jumble of desire, love and longing for a time when he wouldn't have to fear losing Aya to that damn mission. The redhead had practically gotten his shirt of when Omi's cheerful voice reached them. It was instinct that made Ken shove Aya away and tug his clothes back in order; he was done just in time to smile nervously at the two blonds when they entered the kitchen.

"You better not have taken my sweet and sour pork," Yoji warned as he stepped between them and opened the fridge. "I swear, trying to save leftovers in this place is impossible. And I'm willing to bet that you're the one eating them," he continued and pointed accusingly to Ken, who wasn't paying attention. His brown eyes were staring at Aya's back as the redhead stiffly walked away.

"Fuck," the brunet hissed. The look Aya had given him had been hurt and then changed quickly into coldness, definitely not a good thing.

/&/

Ken couldn't believe he had fucked up AGAIN. He gritted his teeth and stubbornly continued to look for the elusive redhead. It had been over four hours since Aya had marched out from the kitchen and Ken was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. In retrospective he, of course, understood how his actions must have seemed, but in all fairness it wasn't like he had been the one insisting on hiding their relationship before.

With that in mind he was just completely bewildered by how offended Aya had seemed. It didn't exactly help that Ken himself wanted Yoji and Omi to know about his relationship with Aya. Ken cursed and flopped down on the couch. He was pooped and worried and confused and he wanted Aya to stop being… well… disappeared. Pouting he leaned back and glared at the ceiling.

"Stupid Aya," he muttered to himself. Moments later his eyes closed and he dozed on and off for a while. One of the times when he snapped back to being awake he felt something warm beside him and he automatically leaned into it. An arm wrapped itself around his shoulders and Ken sighed and snuggled closer.

"Let's go to bed instead." The words were whispered into his ear and Ken let out a string of garble that pretty much meant that he was comfortable right there and he had no intention of going anywhere. "Come on," the voice coaxed and Ken reluctantly opened his eyes.

"I'm sleeping here," he grumbled and buried his face against Aya's throat. Aya's throat? His eyes snapped open again. "Aya?"

"Aa." Ken quickly took stock of the situation and what it could mean. Aya had sought him out, had willingly submitted himself to being Ken's pillow while he napped and he wanted to go to bed with him or at least escort him to bed and that meant that Ken was not about to bring up the incident in the kitchen because then all hell could break lose and Aya would be pissed and then he'd die all over again and Ken just didn't need the aggravation and heartbreak. Apparently his brain had gotten turbocharged while he slept and Ken shook his head slightly to stop the rambling.

"Bed," he finally commented and rose. Aya let out a quiet chuckle and stood up.

"Bed," he agreed and lead the way towards the stairs. Ken followed and when he had changed into his pyjamas he simply strolled into the redhead's bedroom and sprawled out on his bed.

"I'm sleeping here, just so you know," Ken declared, his words muffled because he had pressed his face into Aya's pillow.

"Why?" the redhead asked and the mattress dipped as he sat down.

"I like sleeping next to you, you smell good." The brunet groaned inside at how incredibly cheesy he sounded; he could practically hear Aya rolling his eyes.

"Hn," was the only spoken reply he got and a moment later arms embraced him and pulled him back against Aya's chest. As Ken drifted off to sleep he wondered if Fate was giving him a break this time or if the kitchen thing would have ramifications later on. He would have to talk to Aya about it in the morning.

/&/

Ken had never considered himself a person who had luck or timing on his side. Although, he had to admit that he had thought that might improve now that he had Fate on his side, he was dead wrong. When he woke up, warm and comfy, in Aya's bed the redhead had already left to cover his shift in the shop. Ken took his time since he didn't have to be down until Omi returned from school.

He was still bent over his coffee when Aya entered the kitchen 30 minutes before the brunet's shift started. Aya's face looked like it normally did, but his eyes lacked their usual coldness and as he sidled up to the shorter assassin he actually smiled, or smirked, or leered, or whatever it was that Aya did when the corners of his mouth quirked upwards. He calmly pulled Ken's face up and proceeded to take his breath away with a deep involved kiss. Ken grappled at the hideous orange sweater and couldn't stop a moan from escaping when the redhead's tongue lapped at his lips just before they broke apart.

"More coffee?" Ken blinked stupidly, mouth gaping open and nodded. The taller man poured them both coffee and sat down next to his lover, who still stared at him like an idiot. "Drink your coffee Ken," the redhead said with amusement and Ken obeyed.

"Aya, about yesterday. I… When Yoji came in I just… I didn't want him to…"

"Aya! Where the hell did you put the blue roses for Arakawa-san's arrangement?" Yoji's loud voice interrupted Ken.

"Baka," Aya muttered as he rose and went to help the blond. Ken waited for him to return, nervously playing with his cup. It wasn't until after he had managed to spill coffee all over the table that Aya came back.

"Listen," Ken said quietly as he mopped up the mess with some paper. "I just don't want you to get the wrong idea." Aya watched him, his eyes attentive and calm.

"Wrong idea? In what way?" he asked as the brunet rinsed his hands and moved in closer. Ken wanted to stay focused on explaining himself but Aya's scent, the warmth his body radiated and those mysterious eyes were just too damn enticing. He held in his answer in order to snuggle up close to the redhead and kiss him thoroughly.

"You know, making him think we're something we aren't by jumping to conclusions about what he could've seen yesterday," Ken explained absentmindedly as he buried his face in Aya's neck. Unfortunately for Ken he hadn't quite learned to read all of the redhead's body language nor was he all that great with thinking before he spoke.

"You mean like him thinking things are very serious when it's just a fling."

"Exactly!" Ken exclaimed, happy that Aya understood what he meant. "I don't want him to think this is what it isn't…" Ken could've shot himself as his brain suddenly realized how the things it was making his mouth say sounded. "No, wait a minute!" Aya's body was rigid as a steel pole and his eyes harder than diamonds.

"Wait for what?" he asked in a cold snarl and shoved at the shorter man.

"That's not what I meant!" Ken objected vehemently and grabbed Aya's arm to stop him from leaving. "You make me nervous," he continued in an almost whiny tone, "and then I say things that aren't what I want to say and you shouldn't listen to what I say but to what I mean." Aya had one thin red eyebrow raised and Ken could tell that he had had enough.

"I don't think you know what the hell you mean," the redhead spat and gave him a push hard enough to send him barreling into the table. Ken hung his head and rubbed his hip. If Fate wanted him to get things right Fate should cut him some fucking slack!

"You have no idea how hard I have worked for this," the brunet growled and pinned the taller man against the sink, holding him there while Aya struggled. "No, you will listen to me Aya whether you want to or not!"

"Ken, let go of me or I'll…" Ken interrupted him by covering his mouth with an unsteady hand.

"I'll let you go when I've said my peace. If you don't trust me, if you don't want this, us, or if you don't want anyone else to know or whatever, you're going to have to tell me because I can't read your mind and I'm fucking sick of second guessing what you want. Whatever it is that you want me to do or be or say you have to tell me!" The brunet swallowed and took a step back. "I'm done now, you can go." Aya was staring at him, eyes steely, face grave, but he made no move to leave.

"Did it ever occur to you that all you had to do was ask me?" the redhead asked quietly and Ken licked his lips and stared at his feet, as if they somehow could answer. "You act like I'm supposed to know what's going to happen Ken, and I don't, not anymore than you do." Ken couldn't help but wince at that. It dawned on him that Aya's earlier reactions might not have been how he felt but rather how he reacted in regards to how he thought Ken felt. Ken had thought he had the upper hand since he had gone through the two weeks so many times before, but maybe, just maybe, it left him at a disadvantage instead. Some of the things he did or said or didn't do or say were a direct result of what had happened before; affected by events that this Aya hadn't been involved in. He raised his head and met the redhead's eyes.

"I…"

"Cut yourself some slack," Aya murmured and a shift in his posture practically summoned Ken. He hesitantly moved forward and stepped into the redhead's arms. At that moment Ken wanted to tell Aya that he loved him, that he didn't want to watch him die again, that he was sorry for messing up so many times… But Ken kept quiet, because Aya might take his declaration of love the wrong way and the redhead had no idea that Ken had been responsible for his death so many times. The brunet buried his face against Aya's neck and slipped both arms underneath the taller man's shirt.

"Ken!" The sudden outburst from behind made them jump and Ken swirled around so fast he almost fell over. Yoji was staring at them, his green eyes widened more than what should have been possible and looked decisively affronted. "How could you?" the blond continued in the same loud voice. Ken swallowed and glanced at Aya who had narrowed his eyes and jutted out his jaw as if he was ready to beat Yoji to a pulp.

"Kudou," the redhead growled warningly and took a step forward. But Yoji was completely focused on Ken and the affronted look had started to change into hurt.

"How could you?" he repeated and Ken couldn't believe his eyes when the blond's bottom lip began to tremble pitifully. "You chose Aya over me?" The words had hardly left him mouth before Yoji burst into a loud obnoxious cackle. Ken did the only thing he could do; he marched up to the blond who continued to laugh and smacked him over the head.

"Of course I picked Aya over you! He's younger, has more stamina and besides," Ken paused and smirked naughtily at Yoji, "his is bigger than yours." With a wink he grabbed Aya's hand and pulled the snickering redhead towards the stairs.

"What the hell do you mean 'his is bigger than mine'?" Yoji wailed from the kitchen. That seemed to be more than the redhead could take and Ken was treated to the spectacular sight of Aya turning his face upwards as he let out a melodious peal of laughter.

TBC

Yeah so there it is and stuff… I should have posted this chapter two weeks ago but the awful evil bookstore forced me to read Harry Potter. /sighs/ Ja/Atsureki


End file.
